Chapter 23: Existence Is Very Shy
During discourse the other night, I experienced myself filling with air like a balloon and becoming mind-bogglingly enormous. It was as though my body was just a skin of the finest elastic and had the capacity to stretch to eternity. It seemed as if my belly was taking in the air and filling out every little crevice and crease of me. Although I had no sensation of floating, the feeling was light and transparent.
I’m a fairly ordinary sort of person who has rarely been known to go wildly ecstatic, freak out or have exotic spiritual experiences. Is my tide turning?
Nobody is born ecstatic. Everybody comes into the world exactly alike - innocent, with all the possibilities and all the dimensions. But society closes a few doors completely; they are dangerous. Such experiences as the one you had last night will be thought crazy.
They are not of any utilitarian use. And society is based fundamentally on utility, so it closes all those dimensions which can be called spiritual, religious. It keeps the mind one-pointedly focused on ambitions - for money, power, prestige. It allows a few people to move into traditional ways in the world of religion, but then too that world of religion remains very mundane.
For example, no Catholic pope has ever experienced anything like ecstasy, enlightenment. They are people of the market; their function is marketing God. They are part of the mundane, utilitarian society - which also wants to feel that it is not irreligious, that it is not unspiritual. So it creates pseudo religions, pseudo spiritualities, which are nothing but people like parrots repeating scriptures, the meaning of which is not their experience.
And unless there is experience to support them, those words are meaningless and dead. Have you ever heard of any pope who was enlightened? Have you heard of any shankaracharya who was enlightened? It is a strange phenomenon, but we go on taking it for granted that these people are religious heads - and they have not experienced any out-of-the-body phenomenon, they have not experienced the innermost being of themselves. They have not known any silence or peace. They are not men of wisdom.
So naturally, you must have become a little disturbed when you started feeling that you are “filling with air like a balloon and becoming mind-bogglingly enormous.” It was as though your body was “just a skin of the finest elastic and had the capacity to stretch to eternity.” It seemed as if your belly was “taking in the air and filling out every little crevice and crease” of your being. Although you had “no sensation of floating, the feeling was light and transparent.”
It certainly must have been a very outlandish experience because you say, “I am a fairly ordinary sort of a person who has rarely been known to go wildly ecstatic, freak out, or have exotic spiritual experiences. Is my tide turning?” Dhyan Sagar, fortunately, yes. The tide is turning.
And now more and more experiences will be coming to you. But always remember: Life is not what we ordinarily experience it as. Life is much more, beyond our dreams, beyond our imaginations, beyond all our fantasies.Life is a tremendous mystery.