Chapter 10: The Body Is a Friend
Because love is dangerous.. The moment you start moving towards somebody else you are coming close to colliding with another world. Who knows if your approach will be accepted or rejected? How can you be certain the other is going to say yes to your need and to your desire? That the other is going to be compassionate, loving? How do you know? He may reject you. He may say no. You may say, “I love you” but what is the guarantee that he will also feel love for you? He may not. There is no necessity for it. The fear of rejection is very shattering.
So cunning and clever people decide not to move at all. Keep to yourself, then at least you are not rejected. And you can go on enhancing your ego with the idea that nobody has ever rejected you, even though that ego is absolutely impotent and is not enough to fulfill you. You need to be needed; you need somebody to accept you; you need somebody to love you because only when somebody else loves you, will you be able to love yourself, not before it. When somebody accepts you, you will be able to accept yourself, not before it. When somebody else feels happy with you; you will start feeling happy with yourself, not before it. The other becomes a mirror.
Each relationship is a mirror. It reflects you. How can you know yourself without the mirror? There is no way. Others’ eyes become mirrorlike, and when somebody loves you, that mirror is very, very sympathetic towards you; very, very happy with you; delighted with you. In those delighted eyes you are reflected and for the first time a certain acceptability arises.
Otherwise, you have been rejected from the very beginning. It is part of the ugly structure of society that each child comes to feel that he is not accepted for himself. If he does something good - of course, whatsoever the parents think is good - if he does that, he is accepted. If he does something wrong - what the parents think is wrong - he is rejected. The child sooner or later starts feeling, “I am not accepted for myself, not as I am, not intrinsically, but for what I do. Not my being is loved but my doing.” And that creates a deep self-rejection, a deep self-hatred. He starts hating himself.
If you don’t fall in love, if you don’t find lovers and friends who can accept you, you will remain with that rejection your whole life. Love is a must. You must move through it. You can come out of it one day, you can transcend it one day - it has to be transcended - but how can you transcend it if you never enter into it?
So don’t be afraid. And drop all nonsense from the head. Yes, there is fear. You may be rejected, but don’t be afraid of that fear. That risk has to be taken, only then somebody will come and accept you. If you knock at a hundred doors and ninety-nine remain closed, don’t be afraid - one will open. Somebody is waiting for you. Somebody will be fulfilled through you and you will be fulfilled through somebody. Somebody is waiting to become a mirror for you because somebody is waiting to make you a mirror for himself. And there is no other way to find out who that one is than to go on knocking, groping. It is risky, but life is risky.