Chapter 4: Love Is Death
The first question:
You are everything that I have ever wanted or could ever want. So why is there so much resistance in me towards you?
That’s why! If you have deep love for me, there will be deep resistance also. They balance each other. Wherever love is, there is resistance too. Wherever you are tremendously attracted, you would like to escape also from that place, from that space, because to be immensely attracted means you will fall into the abyss, you will no longer be yourself.
Love is dangerous. Love is a death. It is more deathly than death itself - because you survive after death, but after love you don’t survive. Yes, somebody else is born, but you are gone. Hence the fear.
Those who are not in love with me, they can come very close and there will be no fear. Those who love me, they will be afraid of taking each step; reluctantly they will take those steps, very hard it is going to be for them, because the closer they come to me the less will be their ego. That’s what I mean by death. The moment they have come really close to me, they are not - just as I am not. Coming closer to me is coming closer to a state of nothingness. So even in ordinary love there is resistance.this love is extraordinary; this love is unique.
The question is from Anand Anupam. I have been watching her, she is resisting. The question is not just intellectual, it is existential. She has been fighting hard.but she cannot win. She is blessed because she cannot win. Her defeat is certain, it is absolutely certain. I have seen that love in her eyes; that love is so strong that it will destroy all resistance, that it will win over all efforts of the ego to survive.
When love is strong the ego can try, but it is already a losing battle for the ego. That’s why so many people live without love. They talk about love, but they live without love. They fantasize about love, but they never actualize love, because to actualize love means you will have to destroy yourself utterly.
When you come to a master, it is either utter destruction or nothing. Either you have to dissolve into me and you have to allow me to dissolve into you, or you can be here but nothing will happen. If the ego remains, then there is a China Wall between me and you. And a China Wall can be broken easily, but the ego is a more subtle energy.
But once love has arisen, then the ego is impotent - and I have seen this love in Anupam’s eyes. It is there. It is going to be a great struggle, but good! because those who come very easily don’t come. Those who take a long time, those who fight inch by inch, only they come.