Chapter 2: Be a Joke unto Yourself
You can live it, you can rejoice in it, you can become one with the mystery, but the idea of understanding as an observer is not at all possible.
I don’t understand myself. The greatest mystery to me is myself. But a few clues I can give to you:
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions that your wife asks you for nothing.
The key to happiness: You may speak of love and tenderness and passion, but real ecstasy is discovering you haven’t lost your keys after all.
Women begin by resisting a man’s advances and end by blocking his retreat.
If you want to change a woman’s mind, agree with her.
If you want to know what a woman really means, look at her - don’t listen to her.
The lady walked up to the policeman and said, “Officer, that man on the corner is annoying me.”
“I have been watching the whole time,” said the cop, “and that man wasn’t even looking at you.”
“Well,” said the woman, “isn’t that annoying?”
The romantic young man turned to the beautiful young girl in his bed and asked, “Am I the first man you ever made love to?”
She thought for a moment and then said, “You could be - I have a terrible memory for faces.”
A young girl said to an old maid, “You must have missed a great deal by not marrying!”
“Only the ceremony!” replied the old maid.
In the Garden of Eden, Eve was nagging Adam, as usual. “I saw you playing around with another woman underneath the tree of knowledge last night!” she screamed.
“But Eve,” said Adam, “you know that there is only you and I here in Eden!”
“Don’t lie to me! I always know when you are lying!” Eve whined.
“Eve, listen! This is just a fantasy brought on by your menopause.”
“Don’t give me any psychological bullshit! I know what I saw!” Eve roared.
“Okay, okay, then if you don’t believe me, just count my ribs.”
A man went on a safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One day he was lying morosely in his tent when he heard a cry from his wife. He jumped up and rushed into the clearing. There, out in the open, he saw mama-in-law shaking her fist at a huge lion who was standing five feet away from her, ready to move.