Chapter 5: It Is Your Being
But the same child when grown up will shake hands as if a hand is just a dead instrument. He will not come in it, he will not flow through it. This has happened because there are blocks. Anger is blocked.really, before your hand becomes alive again to express love, it will have to pass through agony, it will have to pass through a deep expression of anger. If the anger is not released, that anger is blocking and love cannot come out of it.
Your whole body has become blocked, not only your hands. So you can embrace someone, you can take someone near your chest, but that is not synonymous with taking someone near your heart. These are two different things. You can take someone near your chest: this is a physical phenomenon. But if you have an armor around your heart, a blocking of emotions, then the person remains as distant as he ever was; no intimacy is possible. But if you really take a person near, and there is no armor, no wall between you and the person, then the heart will melt into the other. There will be a meeting, a communion.
Your body has to release many poisons. You have become toxic, and you will have pain - because those poisons have settled down. Now I am creating a chaos again. This meditation is to create chaos within you so that you can be rearranged - so that a new arrangement becomes possible. You must be destroyed as you are, only then can the new be born. As you are, you have gone totally wrong. You have to be destroyed and only then can something new be created. There will be pain, but this pain is worthwhile.
So go on doing the meditation and allow the body to have pain. Allow the body not to resist; allow the body to move into this agony. This agony comes from your past, but it will go. If you are ready it will go. And when it goes, then for the first time you will have a body. Right now you have only an imprisonment, a capsule, dead. You are encapsulated; you do not have an agile, alive body. Even animals have more beautiful, more alive bodies than you.
By the way, that is why we have become so much obsessed with clothes - because the body is not worth showing. We have become so much obsessed with clothes. Whenever you stand naked you will see what you have done to your body. Clothes go on hiding your body from you.
This has been my experience through so many meditation camps: if some people become naked in the camps, really only these people are the ones who have beautiful bodies; thus, they are not afraid. Those who have ugly bodies come and they complain, and they say, “This is not good, people going nude.” Their fear is natural. They are not really afraid of others going nude, they are afraid of themselves; they cannot face their own bodies.
This disease is a vicious circle, because if you do not have a live body you want to hide it, and when you hide it, it becomes more and more dead - because then there is no need to be alert about its being alive.