Chapter 8: Compassion, Love and Sex
The furniture in your room is not free. If you leave the room locked and you come after many years, the furniture will be in the same place, in the same way; it will not arrange itself in a new way. It has no freedom. But if you leave a man in the room, you will not find him the same - not even the next day, not even the next moment. You cannot find the same man again.
Says old Heraclitus: You cannot step in the same river twice. You cannot come across the same man again. It is impossible to meet the same man twice - because man is a river, continuously flowing. You never know what is going to happen. The future remains open.
For a thing, future is closed. A rock will remain a rock will remain a rock. It has no potentiality for growth. It cannot change, it cannot evolve. A man never remains the same: may fall back, may go ahead, may go into hell or into heaven - but never remains the same. Goes on moving, this way or that.
When you have a sexual relationship with somebody, you have reduced that somebody to a thing. And in reducing him you have reduced yourself also to a thing, because it is a mutual compromise: “I allow you to reduce me to a thing, you allow me to reduce you to a thing. I allow you to use me, you allow me to use you. We use each other. We both have become things.”
That’s why.watch two lovers: when they have not yet settled. the romance is still alive, the honeymoon has not ended, and you will see two persons throbbing with life, ready to explode - ready to explore the unknown. And then watch a married couple, the husband and the wife, and you will see two dead things, two graveyards, side by side - helping each other to remain dead, forcing each other to remain dead. That is the constant conflict of the marriage. Nobody wants to be reduced to a thing.
Sex is the lowest form of that energy “X.” If you are religious, call it “the divine”; if you are scientific, call it “X.” This energy, X, can become love. When it becomes love, then you start respecting the other person. Yes, sometimes you use the other person, but you feel thankful for it. You never say thank-you to a thing. When you are in love with a woman and you make love to her, you say thank-you. When you make love to your wife, have you ever said thank-you? No, you take it for granted. Has your wife said thank-you to you ever? Maybe, many years before, you can remember some time when you were just undecided, were just trying, courting, seducing each other - maybe. But once you were settled, has she said thank-you to you for anything? You have been doing so many things for her, she has been doing so many things for you, you are both living for each other - but gratitude has disappeared.
In love, there is gratitude, there is a deep gratefulness. You know that the other is not a thing. You know that the other has a grandeur, a personality, a soul, an individuality. In love you give total freedom to the other. Of course, you give and you take; it is a give-and-take relationship - but with respect.