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Chapter 12: Aloneness Is a Growth Need

Try to understand. Let her be alone, leave her alone and give her more and more space. Whenever you feel that she needs to be alone, just move away - and she will love you tremendously for it because that is a gesture of love. When somebody needs to be alone you should leave them alone. If you love her, you understand the need - it is a growth need. And she will be grateful for it, more grateful than ever. Remember always that if someone loves you out of fear, that love is bogus because love cannot arise out of fear. It is an empty gesture. Love can arise only out of deep understanding, not out of fear.

So this is going to help you both. And it was to come. Whenever a couple comes to me, the whole of their old pattern has to change, because they have lived in a certain relationship and now they start growing. That old relationship cannot contain you; you are becoming bigger and bigger. Your dresses were made for children and now they are too small and you feel confined. So don’t cling to the old patterns; drop them. Help her to be alone.

(Addressing the wife) And you remember not to hurt him unnecessarily. When you want to be alone, simply say you want to be alone. This too has to be understood, because many times we want to be alone, but the way we express it is very ugly. We tell the other to go away or tell them that we don’t need or love them anymore. We may say these things, when in fact all we wanted to say was that we wanted to be alone.

So when you want to be alone, simply ask him and be very loving so that he can understand. If he is in a misunderstanding he will create trouble for you, and then growth becomes impossible.

You are both growing, and much love will happen. You are getting ready for it. Just a little waiting and patience is needed for it, mm? Don’t be worried. Within weeks you will see a totally new quality of love coming between you, flowing between you, and much understanding. Everything will be good.

And how is your daughter? Help her to meditate. If from this age she can do some meditations, she will not have to come across many of the difficulties that you have. And if from the very beginning she becomes meditative, she will have a totally different life. Her choice will be different, her love will be different; her whole being will have a different dimension of growth.

This is the right time to start meditating. And at this age the mind is almost clean, pure, innocent; if seeds are sown in it they go very deep. The fruits may not come soon, but they will come one day.

When you learn something later on, your own knowledge always functions as a barrier; it goes on rejecting many things, mm?

Osho presents their daughter with a gift, a game.


I’ve been feeling a struggle a lot in the last week. Feeling my heart beginning to open and be flowing, and then coming in and clutching. So I’m feeling both happy and sad at the same time.

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