Chapter 12: A Personal Seeking, an Individual Quest
Doing will not help. You cannot do anything about it because the problem is very delicate. If you begin to do something about your hatefulness, that means that you will have begun to hate your hatefulness. The mechanism is very delicate. One can be angry towards one’s anger and one can be hateful towards one’s hatefulness, and you can fight it but you will not win because the disease has gone one step deeper.
Don’t do anything. Just be aware of it. Whenever you feel hate, just be aware of it. Feel what this hatefulness is, feel the fact of it. Don’t try to escape from it.
Even your doing can become an escape. If I am angry and I begin to do something about the anger, then I am not concerned with the anger itself but with doing something about it. My perception has changed: my awareness of the anger is no longer there but rather the effort to do something about it has taken its place. This is not good, this is not the way, because then the anger will be suppressed.
So if you feel hatred, anger, greed, or anything, don’t try to do something right away, just be aware of it. First see the ugliness of it, see the poisonousness of it, see what it is. Once you see what hate is in its totality, it will drop by itself. Hatred can continue only if you have not known it in its totality.
It is just like a snake crossing your path. The moment you become aware that the snake is there, you jump.
That jump is not something which you have to think about, decide about or choose to do; it happens. When you become aware of the snake, the jump happens. In the same way, when you become aware of your hate, the jump happens; no planning is needed.
The first thing to remember is this: don’t condemn anything; rather, become more aware of the fact of it.
Whenever it appears, be aware of it; meditate on it. The second thing, which is even more subtle, is your thinking, “I feel hatred inside me. I feel anger and greed and ego.” This again is a very deceptive trick of the mind, a very cunning trick, because then, in a very subtle way, you have separated yourself from the hatred. You are saying, “I see hatred in me, I see greed in me. The greed is something which is in me, it is not me. I am not greed, I am not hatred, I am not anger. It is something accidental, something foreign that is inside me.”
This is how the mind thinks and how language deceives us. Language says, “There is anger in me,” but this is not the fact. When you are angry it is not that anger is in you.you are hate. There cannot be two entities there, only one. Either hate can be present or you can be present, but both cannot be present. If you are there then hate will dissolve; if hate is there then you are not there.
Move existentially not linguistically. Language creates many problems. Because of the construction of the language we acquire a very unrealistic attitude toward things. For example, when you are angry, there is no I to whom anger is happening. There is only anger; you are dissolved in it; you are not.