Chapter 4: Stop and See
Do not search for truth. In searching there is ego. And it is the ego itself that is the obstacle. Just lose yourself, disappear. When the “I” as the ego disappears, that which really is, is seen. When the “I-ness” disappears, the isness of “I” is seen. Only by losing oneself does one attain one’s self. Just as new life sprouts from a seed only when the seed breaks apart and ceases to be, the shoot of immortal life springs up only when the seed called “I,” which is a covering over the soul, breaks apart and ceases to be.
Remember this sutra: You have to disappear if you want to attain to self. Deathlessness is attained at the cost of death. A drop becomes the ocean when it loses itself in the ocean.
You are the soul, but if you search for it within yourself you will find nothing but desire. Our whole lives are desire. Desire means wanting to become something, to attain something. Everyone wants to become somebody, to attain something. This race goes on every moment of our lives. Nobody wants to be where he is. Everybody wants to be where he is not. Desire means a blind dissatisfaction with what is and a blind longing for what is not. There is no end to this mad race because as soon as one gets something it becomes useless and then desire centers again on what one does not have. Desire is always for the unachieved.
Desire is like the horizon. The more you try to approach it the farther it pulls away from you. This becomes possible because the horizon simply does not exist. It is just an appearance, an illusion. It is not real. If it were real it would come closer to you as you neared it; if it were unreal it would cease to be at your approach. But if it is neither real nor unreal, if it is an appearance, a dream, an illusion, a figment of the imagination, it will remain as far away as before, no matter how hard you try to get close to it.
Unreal is the opposite of real. Illusion, maya, is not the opposite of real but it is its veil, its cover. Desire is not the opposite of the soul but it is its veil, its cover. It is a fog, a smoke that hides our being, our soul. We keep running after what we are not and as a consequence we cannot see what we are. Desire is a veil on the soul and because of that it becomes impossible for us to know our souls. Because we constantly want to become something else, we never look at that which we are.
If this race, this desire to become something else ceases even for a moment, that which is manifests just as the sun manifests the moment the sky is cloudless. I call the absence of this race to become dhyana, meditation. And what a sense of wonder one experiences in the moment one knows that which really is, because in that moment everything one ever desired is attained. Seeing the soul is the total fulfillment of desire, because there is nothing lacking there.
Thought is a sign of ignorance. In knowing, there is no thought, there is only seeing. Hence the path of thinking never takes one to knowing. Consciousness - being free of thought - is the door to knowing. Knowing is not an achievement, it is a discovery. We don’t have to achieve it, we have to uncover it. It is ever-present within us. We just have to dig it out as we dig out a well.