Chapter 20: It Is All Happening Silently
To be attracted to homosexuals is a step. Finally you will be attracted to the heterosexuals. The homosexual is half way. Nothing is wrong in it. It is good to go gradually, mature gradually. And it is also possible the homosexual person may be a person that you like, you love, that he deserves your love. His homosexuality may be a secondary thing. If it is a secondary thing, then perhaps you can stay with the homosexual person long enough, but if it is only a passing phase then moving from no sexuality or very little sexuality towards a heterosexual man, a direct jump, will be too much and can be dangerous. It may throw you back into your avoidance.
It is perfectly good that you are loving a homosexual. If he is a worthy person to be loved, that is even better; otherwise even his homosexuality is going to help you tremendously to reach to the heterosexual person.
These are the four stages: the auto-sexual person avoids sexuality. He wants to contain his sexuality within himself, he is a kind of miser, and such people suffer from constipation. It is now a well-established psychological fact. There is not a medical way to help them get rid of constipation, as their constipation has no cause in the body; their constipation has its cause in their mind.
You should be reminded that the sexual center is in the mind, not in the genitals. And strangely enough, by the way, the sexual center and the food center are very close - too close. So a person who stops his sexuality starts eating too much. The energy of the sexual center starts overflowing onto the next center - that is food. He becomes a food addict; he looks at food the way a lover looks at a beloved.
The second stage is homosexuality. It is a little better than being auto-sexual, confined to yourself - now at least you are connecting with your same sex. But there is a confinement still - although it is a bigger confinement - man to man, woman to woman.
The third stage is heterosexual, which is the maturity of sex - when you go beyond your femaleness or your maleness, where you transcend your class and move to the opposite. And because the tension between the opposite is great, love blossoms on a grander scale. Between two homosexuals, love is - but there is no tension in it. It is not without any reason that homosexuals are called “gay” people, because there is no tension, there is no fight; they are always smiling, always looking happy. The happiness is shallow.
The heterosexuals are in a conflict and in love. They laugh deeply, they weep deeply, they fight deeply, they feel for each other deeply; everything is deep because of the tension. They are known as intimate enemies. The intimacy is deep, the enmity is also deep.
The fourth state is asexual, when you are fed up and you have seen all that sex can provide - its misery, its pleasure, its fights, its friendship - and slowly, slowly you see the routine, the same wheel moving. To change that boredom of the same wheel moving you may change partners; that gives you a little energy for a few days more, but again the boredom comes back.