Chapter 17: Watchfulness.Your Gift to Yourself
He touched the feet of Nan-In and he said, “You have answered me - and this is not the answer of a scholar, this is the answer of a man who knows. I am immensely grateful. But you really shocked me, I am still trembling! You are a dangerous man; I had come for a philosophical discussion.”
Nan-In said, “We are not concerned with philosophy, we are concerned with reality. Philosophy is a game, children’s play; reality is a risk, an adventure. Only those who are courageous enough travel on the razor’s edge to find the truth.”
In your psychology also, much is continuously happening. Even when you are asleep, your mind goes on working. Only a man who enters into meditation, slowly, slowly becomes aware of things which are happening in the mind, of which he was never before aware. And the miracle of meditation is that as you become aware of things, that which is wrong disappears and that which is right becomes tremendously strong. There is only one criterion, according to me, which decides what is right and what is wrong: that is your depth of meditation.
If you are going deeper into silence and something disappears - you saw it receding, evaporating into the air - you can be certain it was wrong, because the false cannot face you; it has not the guts. It cannot come in front of you, it cannot encounter you. And that which is real, good, becomes stronger, becomes more a part of your actions, of your thoughts, of your being.
A moment comes in the life of the meditator when his meditation has reached the point where his whole mind is silent and there is not even a fragment of darkness anywhere inside him - all is light. Then, whatever that person does is right, and whatever that person does not do is wrong. In that state, one never thinks about what to do; what is right, what is wrong are no longer alternatives. The right becomes spontaneous action, and the wrong simply becomes impossible - even if you want to do it, you cannot.
You are asking, “Is it possible that things are happening inside me that I am not aware of?” Yes, things are happening within you and you have to make your awareness more sharp, more deep, more clear - so that you can become aware. Otherwise, all your actions come out of an unconscious state; you don’t know exactly why you are doing it, why there is such a deep urge to do it, because the urge comes from the unconscious where never a ray of light has entered.
In psychoanalysis you have to drop completely whatever you say in your waking hours - it is not trustworthy. Psychoanalysis trusts your dreams more than it trusts you, because your consciousness is so small and it is not aware of all that is happening underneath. But when this consciousness goes to sleep, in your dreams the unconscious starts coming onto the screen of your mind. To know about your dreams is to know much more about you than you know yourself. Your dreams are more reliable because in your dreams you don’t deceive; there is no question. Your dreams are so private, nobody is going to know - why deceive?