Chapter 19: Deeper and Deeper into the Mysterious, the Miraculous
Outside, then inside - beauty, utter beauty. Is there more?
There is no end to it.
There is infinitely more.
You cannot exhaust it.
But one condition has to be remembered: You should not ask for it. You should not see it, because it comes on its own. It is not a desire from your side. Desire kills it. It is the abundance of existence that simply goes on flowering towards you if you are available.
Just remain available, and there will be more and more and more. But from your mind, the idea of getting more has to be dropped entirely. The moment you ask for more there will be less. If you become too ambitious, there is every possibility you will lose it completely.
So it is a slightly delicate matter. You keep your doors and windows open and enjoy whatsoever happens. And so much happens that you cannot conceive more is possible, but when more happens you will be surprised. And this more goes on happening. But remember the word happening. It is nothing like an effort, a plan, a project on your part. You have to be just an empty receiver.
Just as water flows downwards towards the ocean, beauty, truth, love - all that is valuable in existence - flows towards a person who is nobody.
I wish there was only you and no commune. I feel wings when I see you, but aggressive and helpless in connection with the commune. And this makes me feel unhappy and ashamed. Everything you say is so clear to me, and yet I have the feeling that I don’t understand you at all. What is the matter with me?
Much is the matter with you.
There are half a million sannyasins around the world. Everybody wants the same thing you are asking, that he should possess me totally, that there should be nobody else who shares me. But please, think of me too. Just you and me.. Are you bent upon boring me to death? And remember, this is the desire of every sannyasin. You have to understand it. Why this fear and helplessness with the commune?
The commune is nothing but my expanded being. If you really love me, you will automatically love the commune. If you are feeling beautiful winds blowing when I am with you, then in the commune you will feel even more, because I am there in many forms. I have lost my personality completely. I am just an opening. Whoever enters into me also becomes part of the infinite.