Chapter 8: Beyond Mother’s Knees
Unless you lose yourself you will not gain anything here. And if you have come to gain something, and you are not ready to lose yourself, then you are wasting your time - and a master will not allow that wastage, he will push you away. Subtle will be his ways. He will not push you away in such a way that you feel that you have been pushed; rather, he will give you the impression that you yourself have left him: he was not worth it, there was nothing to be got there. The master, even in rejecting you, will not give you the feeling of being rejected. That is his compassion. On the contrary, he will give you the impression that you have rejected the master.
Sufis have the essential religion with them. This story is a very fundamental one. Before we enter the story a few things have to be understood.
First, when you come to a master decide well that you will not judge him, because if you judge you cannot trust. It is better to leave. If you trust, you cannot judge. A disciple has to decide whether he is still continuing judging, or he has started trusting.
Trust is a totally different dimension from judgment. In judgment you remain the center, and from your center and from your mind, you judge. You remain the criterion, the touchstone. In trust, you are no more. You have no center to judge from, no values to judge by.
When you surrender to a master you surrender your valuation. You say to him, “Now, I will not be a judge. From now onwards I will be a shadow to you, a surrendered soul. Whatsoever you do, it is none of my business to judge.”
It happened: A king wanted to become a disciple of one Sufi master, Bayazid, Bayazid of Bistun, one of the greatest names amongst the Sufis. When the king approached it was difficult for Bayazid to say no - and the king was not ready at all. He was not worthy to become a disciple and to be accepted.
Bayazid asked, “Why have you chosen me? There are other masters better than me. Why have you chosen me? I am nothing, just an ordinary master.”
The king said, “I have chosen you because of your character, your behavior, your morality. You are a good man. About others I am not so certain; their behavior is a little erratic, and they confuse me. About you I am certain. You are a good man, a saintly man, that’s why.”
Bayazid said, “Then wait a little. Postpone a little, because you don’t know me and my character. You wait a little and watch.”
One day the king had gone for some hunting in the forest. Suddenly he saw, near a lake, Bayazid sitting on the other shore - it was a small lake and the king could see to the other shore - and he was not alone, he was with a woman. What was he doing in the forest with a woman, with no disciples around? Whenever he had gone to see Bayazid in the town he was always surrounded by hundreds of disciples. What had happened? What was he doing with the woman? Suspicion arose: in this privacy with a woman.?
And not only that, as he watched, hiding himself behind a tree, the woman poured something into a glass. Maybe it was wine? The flask seemed to be of wine. Now he was absolutely certain that it was good he didn’t surrender to this man. He seemed to be a debauchee.