Chapter 14: A Singular Mess
Take the other as an enemy and he becomes your definition; take the other as a friend and your boundaries are no longer clear-cut. When you are sitting by the side of your friend or your beloved, the boundaries are not clear. They are overlapping. You are overflowing into each other. You don’t know where you end and where your friend begins. And if the friendship is really deep, something immensely beautiful happens - egos disappear.
There is an Indian myth. To understand the myth you will have to understand these three words..
First the myth. It is the myth of the creation. It is far more beautiful than any other myth of creation. Hindus say that he was alone - “he” means God. He was alone but not really alone, because he was two in one. He was man and woman together. He was in a deep loving embrace. But he was also one because there was no boundary. It was not possible to say where he ended and where his beloved began. The man and the woman were almost one in a cosmic embrace, ecstatically lost into each other.
Eternity passed and he started feeling alone. Naturally, when you don’t have a definition, then it doesn’t matter whether you are two, you feel as if you are alone. He started feeling alone. The aloneness became too heavy so he decided to separate. So he fell into two parts.
The Sanskrit word for falling apart is pat - pat means falling apart, to fall. From pat comes the Hindi word patan - patan means fall. He fell in two. And because of the word pat, a husband in India is called pati and a wife is called patni. He fell into two parts - one part became pati, husband, the other part became patni, wife. The words pat, and patni are derived from pat - he fell in two.
And since then, the myth says, they have been trying to reach each other again, because now they are feeling very much separated and divorced. Hence the desire for love, the immense desire for love, the search for the other - to find someone with whom you can be one again.
When you are together with a beloved one you lose identities. You cannot feel who you are because the other is involved, intimately involved, in your being. In love, ego disappears. When you hate, when you fight, when you struggle, ego arises. When you are sitting with your enemy you are perfectly well-defined because you are not overflowing, he is not overflowing. You don’t meet anywhere. There is distance.
So the whole thing is that when you struggle, it is not for truth. When you struggle, it is not for nirvana, enlightenment. When you struggle, the deep urge is to declare yourself - that you are powerful, that you are against the world, against existence. But then there is trouble also. Once you declare “I am,” there arises a great fear that if “I am” then there is every possibility that one day “I may not be.”