Chapter 21: Attention Is Invisible Nourishment
The roaring and shouting went on for twenty minutes. Then the blood-soaked warrior crawled out, staggered to his feet, and said, “Okay, your kingship, now show me where the English lady with the toothache is.”
I feel half-cooked! On the one hand I’m happy, more blessed and blissful, more loving and loved than ever before - and I feel so thrilled about it. And on the other hand my old companions - jealousy, competitiveness, the need to be important, special - they are also still around, in the same pot. I dance and celebrate with lightness and joy, and when the flashes of darkness come I relax and accept as much as I can and I try to remain watchful.
Osho, since supposedly I am both the cook and the cooked, do I need to turn up the fire? Or would you advise that I continue to simmer slowly? Somehow, simmering slowly doesn’t seem to be our way..
Simmering slowly is certainly not our way. And you are wrong about feeling that you are the cook and the cooked: I am the cook, you are the cooked. So please leave it to me; you just get relaxed and be cooked.
You say: “I feel half-cooked. On the one hand I am happy, more blessed and blissful, more loving and loved than ever before - and I feel so thrilled about it. And on the other hand my old companions - jealousy, competitiveness, the need to be important, special - they are also still around.”
Don’t be worried about them, don’t take them seriously. The more you take them seriously, the more you nourish them. Let them be around: just be playful with them. Your blissfulness, your being more loved and more loving will take care of the whole thing.
Qualities like jealousy exist only when you are not loved, when you are not capable of loving. Competitiveness, the need to be important, special, they are all part of the same phenomenon: jealousy. They are not separate things, separate aspects. And if you are feeling blissful, happy, loved and loving, then there is no need to be worried: if you have light, the darkness will disappear on its own.
They are your old companions, so just out of habit they still come to see you. Be courteous; don’t be angry about them, and don’t try to push them away. Just watch - but watch joyously. Your watchfulness can also become serious, and that is a great problem: it should remain part of your playfulness.and jealousy cannot exist.
And when you are blissful, who cares about being important? - you are important. And when you are loved and you are loving, who bothers about being special? These desires arise in people who don’t have any taste of bliss, any taste of love.