Chapter 3: Don’t Wobble
Clarence, very embarrassed, turns to Lulu and says, “Aw, shit!.”
Paddy is quietly drinking his beer in the corner of the pub one evening. But his blissful mood is broken when he sees a woman from Christ’s Salvation Army going from table to table, speaking to the customers. Paddy tries to avoid her eye, but in vain.
The Christian lady approaches Paddy and says, “Don’t you know that stuff you are drinking is slow poison?”
“That’s all right,” replies Paddy. “I’m in no hurry.”
Colonel Hawkbutt is furious. Someone has stolen his wife’s jewelry, so he gathers all of his household staff and tells them that if the jewels are not produced, they will all be fired.
Freaked out, the desperate staff members begin frantically searching for the missing jewels. Suddenly, they come upon Kowalski, drunk and stumbling down the street. Immediately they jump upon him and accuse him of stealing the jewels.
Kowalski is utterly puzzled as he finds himself being dumped head first into a barrel of water. Pulling him up, the butler screams, “Where are the jewels?”
Gasping, Kowalski waves madly that he does not know. They lower him again into the barrel of water, leaving him in longer this time. Finally they drag him up.
“For the last time,” the upstairs maid shrieks, “where are the jewels?”
Coughing and spluttering, Kowalski replies drunkenly, “You guys better find yourselves another diver because I can’t find anything!”
Pierre, a Frenchman, Tonio, an Italian, and Kowalski, the Polack, are driving through the countryside when their car breaks down. They find lodging at a farm, and during the night, Pierre decides to sneak into the farmer’s daughter’s room.
The farmer hears him walking up the stairs and calls out, “Who is it?”
Thinking quickly, Pierre whispers, “Meow, meow,” like a cat, and then goes into the girl’s room.
Half an hour later, Tonio has the same idea. But as he nears the room, her father shouts, “Who is there?”
Tonio also makes the sound, “Meow, meow,” and then sneaks into the girl’s room.
Later on, Kowalski decides that he, too, should have some fun. Just as he gets to the girl’s room, the father shouts, “Okay, who is it?”
Kowalski replies, “It is me, the cat.”
Now, Nivedano, give the first drum and everybody goes into absolute craziness, in gibberish - shouting, speaking Chinese, Japanese, any language that you don’t know. Do your best!