Chapter 10: Open the Door
You say to me, “I feel like an actor in a play.” You must be just thinking of yourself as an actor in a play because the next part of the sentence denies it - “.and I don’t always like my role in it.” If it is just a play, then why bother? Be a Judas or be a Jesus - it is all the same. From where does the evaluation of like and dislike come? The ego exists in your likes and dislikes. In your choice exists the ego; when you don’t choose, the ego disappears. That is what I’m doing to you: “Just when I feel it is dropping, you push me back into it.”
Yes, I will go on pushing you until the choice disappears completely. Don’t resist me because if you resist then you will not be able to understand for long. Don’t get annoyed and don’t say, “What are you doing to me?”
“It appears you give me a form, while my being is bursting at the seams. I want to explode and spread..” That “I want” is the barrier to exploding and spreading. The “I” cannot explode and cannot spread. It can only think, it can dream.
My whole effort is so that you can drop the “I” and just be. Then you will spread; then there will be no barrier for you, then you can become infinite. You are infinite: the ego won’t allow you to see it, the ego won’t allow you to see the truth.
“Why do you mold me so?” I will go on molding you from one form to another, and again from one form to another, so that you can understand that you are formless. Only the formless can be molded into form. If you have a form, then you cannot be molded into another form; you are already fixed.
If you want to mold steel it will be difficult, but you can mold mud easily. Why? Why not steel? Steel has a more fixed form. You can say it in this way: steel believes in a more fixed form, the steel is deceived by a more fixed form. The mud is not so deceived.
Then there is water: formless, fluid. You put it in a jar; it takes that form. You move it into another jar; never for a single moment does it resist - it takes another form. It is fluid.
Allow me to mold you in many forms because only in changing from one form to another - somewhere in between - will you become aware of the formless. There is no other way to become aware of the formless. Moving from one form to another - just in the middle somewhere, when the old form has gone and the new has not arisen - in that interval, some day you will become aware.
That’s what God himself is doing - goes on changing your forms. Sometimes you were a plant.then you were a bird .then you became an animal.. Then you became a man: sometimes a woman, sometimes a man; sometimes black, sometimes white; sometimes stupid, sometimes intelligent. He goes on changing your form because that is the only opportunity.. By changing the form, somewhere in the middle, one day you will become aware.
The whole thing is an acting; then you will be able to say: “Thy will should be done, not mine.” That moment you are freed. When you can say with your whole heart, “Thy will should be done, not mine,” you have disappeared. The river has fallen.
The fourth question: