Chapter 13: In - The Only Way Out
Understand it in this way: when you are healthy you are natural, but when you are sick, what then? Do you think that sickness is not natural? Then where does sickness come from? Sickness is as much a part of nature as health. But in sickness you find unhappiness, while in health you find happiness.
So now it is up to you to choose which path of nature you want to travel - of suffering, of happiness or of bliss. All three doors are open to you all the time, and on nature’s part there is no pressure, no insistence, no punishment, no reward whichever door you choose. Nature is quite neutral in this matter, she is not going to push you one way or another. It is all left to you. This is why I say that when you are suffering it is through your own choice. And if you are enjoying being unhappy, then nobody is stopping you; help yourself to as much as you want. But the difficulty is that you are being miserable about being in misery as well, and you are also not being alert that you are in it of your own choice.
So the first thing you have to understand is that nature is an indifferent flow, it has no preferences. But if you want to be unhappy you will have to live a certain kind of lifestyle - of conflict, of fight, and of the desire to win. And whoever desires to win will be defeated, because how can a part, a tiny part, win over the whole? For a drop there is no possibility of victory against the ocean; in the very fact of her being a drop is inscribed the defeat. How is it possible for a drop to conquer the ocean? Is there any way that you can be defeated by your own hand? Even to fight against you the hand will require your energy. It is like a father wrestling with his child: it is just part of the father’s fun that he can allow the child to be victorious; he can allow the child to climb on his chest and sit there like the winner. But this too the father will have to manage for the child. And though the child may be under the illusion that he is the winner, the father knows very well that there is no way for the child to win.
When you win it is the divine who is playing with you just as the father plays with the child. You cannot really win, it is impossible, because the part cannot win against the whole. How can a fraction be greater than the total? No, there is no way. But at times you may feel that you are winning; this is nothing but the father arranging his defeat through the hands of his child. It is his play. And if you have got caught up in wrong notions about it you are going to be unhappy, because the play is not going to continue forever. Many times you are going to lose. The day you realize that defeat is unavoidable, you will stop trying to win.
To renounce the desire to win is sannyas.