Chapter 2: Choice Is Hell
The first question:
You tell me to float, but my body is so heavy with a dead-weight mind that I feel I will drown if I float. So I keep swimming in panic.
Floating is a totally new way of life. You are accustomed to fight; you are accustomed to swim upstream. The ego feels nourished if you fight with something. If you don’t fight, the ego simply evaporates. It is very essential for the existence of the ego to continue fighting. This way or that, in worldly matters or in spiritual matters - but go on fighting! Fight with others or fight with oneself, but continue the fight. The people you call worldly are fighting with others, and the people you call spiritual are fighting with themselves. But the basic thing remains the same.
The real vision arises only when you stop fighting. Then you start disappearing because without fight the ego cannot exist for a single moment. It needs constant pedaling. It is just like a bicycle. If you stop pedaling, it has to fall; it cannot continue for long - maybe a little while because of the past momentum. But your cooperation is needed for the ego - to keep it alive - and the cooperation is through fight, resistance.
When I say to you to float I mean that you are such a small, tiny part of the cosmos it is absolutely absurd to fight with it. With whom are you fighting? All fight is basically against existence, because it surrounds you. If you are trying to go upcurrent, you are trying to go against existence. If it is flowing downwards to the ocean, go with it.
Once you start floating with the river, you will have a totally different quality arising in you. Something of the beyond will descend. You will not be there; you will become just an emptiness - tremendous emptiness, a receptivity. When you fight you shrink, when you fight you become small, when you fight you become hard. When you don’t fight - you surrender, you open, like a lotus opening its petals - then you receive. Unafraid you start moving, moving with life, moving with the river.
The question is: “You tell me to float, but I am afraid if I float I will drown.” It is good if you drown because only the ego can be drowned, not you. When you are fighting, in fact the ego is fighting with your innermost core. You will drown, but by that drowning, for the first time you will be able to float for the first time you will be. Choose and you choose the ego. Be choiceless, let life choose for you, and you become egoless. Choose and you always choose the hell. Choice is hell. Don’t choose. Let this prayer of Jesus resound in your hearts: “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done” - let him do for you.