Chapter 13: The Seeking Becomes the Path
You have to because that will give you a clean break with the past. You have to! You can say to them that that old man is dead! You can release to the newspapers that he is dead (a chuckle) and you start afresh, a new painter. You let those old paintings remain with the old man - nothing to do with you. If it is possible, change; if it is not then forget about it.
Start afresh, totally afresh. Dare! And daring always pays tremendously. It is going to happen, mm? Good!
I feel like I’ve lost my sense of balance and I’m teetering.
Come here. Tell me what is happening.
Well, I’m not that scared of it, but I feel like I’m falling over and then I catch my balance. Then I get back, and everything that’s in me, that’s part of me, seems to be soaring up and down. As a result I’m finding it quite hard to feel comfortable. I suppose I’m fighting, but I’m not aware of how. And I suppose I’m hanging on, but at the same time I don’t know how I’m hanging on.
Mm, I understand. Whenever you start changing, you pass through a chaos because the old unsettles and the new has yet to be born. The old dies and the new is not yet born. There is an interval, and in that interval one feels very unbalanced, loses all identity, all sense of who one is; forgets completely where one stands. The earth beneath one’s feet disappears as if one is in an abyss, falling(falling(and there is no bottom to it. And one would like to cling to anything.
And that is natural - that idea to cling to anything. But if you cling, you only prolong the interval. If you don’t cling, the interval will disappear soon; it can disappear this very moment. It is not a question of time. It is a question of your trust.
If you trust me, don’t cling. Accept the imbalance, the insecurity. Accept the discomfort and the inconvenience. Accept it and immediately it will disappear. It is there because you go on thinking that you were better off before - at least things were settled.