Chapter 25: Dancing with the Whole
And the man is ready to even sacrifice love if it becomes too risky for his freedom. He would like to live in the open sky; even alone, it is okay. He would like to live in a loving relationship, but it becomes dark and an imprisonment. So this is the trouble.
If they are understanding, they settle somewhere. He brings his need for freedom a little lower, and the woman brings her need for commitment and possessiveness a little lower; they come to a balance - fifty-fifty. The woman then needs fifty percent love, fifty percent commitment, and the man fifty percent love, fifty percent freedom. Then there is a possibility of understanding and growth.
If you ask for a hundred percent commitment and he asks for a hundred percent freedom, then there is going to be continuous conflict and bickering and nagging - and this is ugly. And what is the point of it all? Find somebody else; you may find someone who wants to be committed, and he may find someone who allows him freedom.
Either understand and be together or move away, but no more fighting. So tonight you talk - and I know it is difficult to talk, because immediately talk means fighting. I never see any man and woman talking really - either they love or they fight. Communication becomes almost impossible because whatsoever you say is interpreted in a different way. But this night, try.
One has to become aware that this asking for too much commitment or for too much freedom, are both immaturities. Somewhere one has to come to terms with the other person. Once you understand that man needs more freedom, you put down your demands for commitment. Once the man understands that the woman needs commitment, he puts down his demand for freedom, that’s all. If you love, you are ready to sacrifice a little. If you don’t love, it is better to separate.
So talk together, but talk - I’m not saying to fight and hit each other. No need if you are too hot right now - wait two or three days - but always come to an understanding that will be a growth to you.
Participants in the Tao group are present.
It was good to just relax and not resist.
Resistance is one of the most basic problems, and out of that all other problems are created. Once you resist something you are in trouble.
Jesus has said, “Resist not evil.” Even evil should not be resisted, because resistance is the only evil, the only sin. When you resist something it means you are separating yourself from the whole. You are trying to become an island, separate, divided. You are condemning, judging, saying this is not right, that should not be so, that ought not be so. Resistance means you have taken a posture of judgment.