Chapter 8: Significance Is Inner Nourishment
You offered yourself, the woman denied - it is finished! There are millions of women in the world. Why are you wasting your life? If you want to waste it that’s another thing, but then don’t befool yourself that it is because of love. Love is just an excuse, you really want to waste your life. You are afraid of love! You are depending on that woman. You don’t want to approach another woman. One woman does not mean anything. Neither does one man mean anything.
If you are hungry you will eat even if the food that you wanted to eat is not available. Or won’t you? If you are thirsty you will drink even if Coca-Cola is not available - plain Pune water will do! If you are thirsty you will drink, you will not say “I will die, but I will not drink because I only drink Coca-Cola. I love Coca-Cola!” No, you will drink, you are thirsty. You are hungry, you will eat. If you are really hungry for love, then what does it matter if one woman has refused you? There is no need to feel lost, because there are millions of women.
But one woman has denied you, then there are a few things involved in it. First, your ego is hurt - as if you have some power over people. Just because you love, does somebody else have to love you? You can offer yourself, but the other has to decide. You took the initiative, but if the woman could not like you that does not mean that you are nobody, that simply means something was not fitting between you two. And it is good that the woman denied you. If out of politeness, or out of respect, or out of compassion, she had agreed to you, you would have been in far more trouble. Because compassion can never become love, and politeness is hypocrisy. If she had not liked you and decided to go with you for some other motive, you would have been in far more trouble and anguish, because there would have never been that harmony that happens between two people who are in love with each other. She would always have been the compassionate one, the sympathizer; she would have felt for your misery.
That’s what you are doing. That’s what people go on doing. When one woman has refused, or one man has refused, they go on crying, they go on making themselves miserable in the hope that misery will create compassion in the other. Misery can create compassion, and that is dangerous because compassion is never love. And you cannot be fulfilled by compassion, because the one who is showing compassion remains higher than you. You are a beggar. The woman can give to you, but there will be no passion in it. When compassion has come, passion disappears. There will be no thrill in the woman’s heart, she will never feel ecstatic. She will always feel obliging. She will remain insensitive because her own heart will not open for you. She will pretend, she will do whatsoever is needed, she will fulfill the duty, but duty is not love.
Love is ecstasy, duty is dull. She will not dance because of you. She may become a good householder, she may take care of your children, she may look after you, she will be a good caretaker but these things don’t fulfill.