Chapter 3: To the New as the New
The remedy proves far more dangerous than the disease itself.
So the first thing to be understood: the ego is the basic problem that anybody who is searching for his real self has to face. Now it cannot be countered by anything outside. No remedy is going to help, no medicine is going to help, no method is going to help. Then isn’t there any way to get out of it?
There is a way, but it cannot be imposed from the outside. And the way is not like a remedy, the way is clarity, transparency, to look through and through, to watch how the ego functions, to see its subtle games. You throw it out from the front door and it has come back from the back door. You throw it from one side, it starts imposing itself from another side. You think you have got rid of it, suddenly you find it is there sitting inside. So without any condemnation, the ego has to be looked into through and through, with no idea that you want to drop it. That conclusion will be a hindrance. That conclusion means you have decided before you have looked into it. So go into the ego with no conclusion, with no idea of what you want to do: with just one idea - that you would like to understand this mystery of the ego, what it is. All the religions say it is the hindrance, all the great masters say it has to be got rid of, all the mystics say nothing is barring your path except your ego. But you don’t know what this ego is.
So, first thing: go innocently into it. Just watch its ways; its ways are very mechanical. The first thing that you will come across is its mechanicalness. The ego is not an organic whole, it is mechanical because it consists of the dead past. Your ego consists of your past. And if sometimes your ego thinks of the future, that too is nothing but the projection of the past and from the past - maybe a little modified, sophisticated, decorated, but it is the same thing. You desire the same pleasures that you have had in the past. Of course you hope to make them a little better. Your past goes on projecting itself into the future, and the past is dead, the past is just memory - and that’s all that ego consists of.
So the first experience, if you go into the ego without ally conclusion, will be this: you will be able to see that it is mechanical. And you are an organic unity! You are an alive phenomenon and ego is dead, and the dead is ruling the alive. That’s why people look so heavy, dragging. Their life seems to be nothing but a long story of boredom, monotony. It is not the quality of life - boredom is not the quality of life - boredom is there because life is too burdened by death, life is too burdened by the dead. And the grave goes on becoming bigger and bigger, and life is encroached from every side.