Chapter 2: Session 2
I just had a golden experience, the feeling of a disciple so lovingly working on his master’s body. I’m still out of breath because of it. And it also reminds me of my golden childhood.
Everybody talks of his golden childhood, but rarely, very rarely, is it true. Mostly it is a lie. But so many people are telling the same lie that nobody detects it. Even poets go on singing songs of their golden childhood - Wordsworth for example, not a worthless fellow at all - but a golden childhood is extremely rare, for the simple reason: where can you find it?
First, one has to choose one’s birth; that’s almost impossible. Unless you have died in a state of meditation you cannot choose your birth; that choice only opens for the meditator. He dies consciously, hence earns the right to be born consciously.
I died consciously; not in fact died, but was killed. I would have died three days later but they could not wait, not even for three days. People are in such a hurry. You will be surprised to know that the man who killed me is now my sannyasin. He came to kill me again, not to take sannyas.but if he sticks to his game, then I stick to mine. He himself confessed later, after seven years of being a sannyasin. He said, “Bhagwan, now I can confess to you without fear: in Ahmedabad I had come to kill you.”
I said, “My God, again!”
He said, “What do you mean by ‘again’?”
I said, “That’s another matter, go on..”
He said, “In Ahmedabad, seven years ago, I came to your meeting with a revolver. The hall was so full that the organizers had allowed people to sit on the dais.”
So this man, with a revolver to kill me, was allowed to sit at my side. What a chance! I said, “Why did you miss your chance?”
He said, “I had never heard you before, I had only heard about you. When I heard you, I thought I would rather commit suicide than kill you. That’s why I became a sannyasin - that’s my suicide.”
Seven hundred years ago this man had really killed me; he poisoned me. Then too he was my disciple.but without a Judas, it is very difficult to find a Jesus. I died consciously, hence I had the great opportunity to be born consciously. I chose my mother and my father.