Chapter 27: Whatsoever Happens in Silence Is Your Friend
Be continuously a watchman of all dark moments. They will pass away. In fact, that is the definition: anything you watch, if it disappears by watching that means it was something wrong. If by watching it becomes clearer, closer, that means it was something to be absorbed. There is no other definition of good and bad. It is watching that decides - the only criterion. What is sin and what is virtue? That which disappears is sin, and that which comes closer, becomes clearer, wants to become part of you is virtue. Watching is certainly the golden key of spiritual life.
The other day you talked so beautifully about the sadness which follows the first experience of our innermost silence.
Is it necessarily so, that when I first experience this silence, I also feel with my whole being that I am absolutely alone on my journey?
Aloneness is also one of the fundamental experiences as you enter silence. In silence there is nobody else; you are simply alone.
The deeper your silence will be, thoughts will have gone, emotions will have gone, sentiments will have gone - just pure being, a flame of light, burning alone. One can get scared because we are so much accustomed to living with people: in the crowd, in the marketplace, in all kinds of relationships. You may not be aware that in all these relationships - with friends, with your husbands, with your wives, with your children, with your parents - you are basically trying to avoid the experience of aloneness. These are strategies so that you are always with somebody.
It is a well-known fact, psychologically established, that if a person is left alone in isolation, after seven days he starts talking - a little like whispering. For seven days he keeps talking inside, keeps himself engaged in the mind, but then it becomes too much - things start coming out of his mind through his mouth and he starts whispering. After fourteen days you can hear him clearly: what he is saying. After twenty-one days he does not bother about anybody, he has gone insane; now he is talking to walls, to pillars: “Hello friend, how are you?” - to a pillar, hugging a pillar! And this is true not about somebody special, it is true about everybody. He is trying to find some relationship. If he cannot find it in reality, he will create a hallucination.
You will see: just stand by the side of the road and watch people going from the office to the house, and you will be surprised. They are alone - although there is a crowd all around - but they are talking to themselves. They are making gestures, they are telling somebody something - because the crowd around them is not related to them. They are alone in the crowd, so they are trying to create their own illusion. Maybe they are talking to their wife, to their boss. There are many things which cannot be said but right now they can say them. In front of the wife they cannot say it, but in this crowd, where everybody is engaged in his own thing, everybody is doing his own thing, they can say things to the wife. Nobody is listening, and at least one thing is certain - the wife is not there. But they need the wife, they need someone to talk to.