Chapter 8: Trust Is a Touchstone
And the mother said, “Marriage is a tremendous experience of love, intimacy, joy, delight into each other’s being; living in love with a person with joy and celebration is marriage.”
The child became very much puzzled. The mother said, “Why are you so puzzled?” So the child said, “That means you are rarely married - once in a while only. Months pass, then rarely there is a moment when I see you and Daddy happy, married. Just this morning, you were not married - you were nagging and he was shouting.”
Now, how to convince this child? What the mother has said goes contrary to her own life-pattern. She has explained marriage as an experience of love, delight, sharing, and she may not have even been aware of what she was saying. And now the child is puzzled. No, even your own mother cannot be trusted.
Your father goes on saying to you: “Be truthful” - and you find a thousand and one times that he is untruthful. He even tells the child to go and tell the beggar who is knocking on the door that Daddy is not at home. And the child is puzzled: the father goes on saying, “Be truthful, never lie” - and he is lying! How to trust? And the child asks, “Is there God?” and the father says with tremendous confidence, “Yes there is. God created the world” - and one day or other the child discovers, “My father has not known. He simply deceived, bluffed. He himself is searching. He has not known God; he has not known that God has created the world.”
Mistrust is born. Feeling the cold pebbles again and again, you become accustomed to throw them. Then, not only this happens, an even deeper danger arises out of it. Mistrusting everybody who is around you.. Your teachers, your parents, your friends, neighborhood, society, the priest, the politician - all are cheating, all are deceiving. Nobody can be trusted in this world: this conclusion, sooner or later, dawns on the child’s mind. Then an even greater damage has been done: he cannot even trust himself. Why? - because whatsoever he does according to his nature, is never liked by anybody. Whatsoever he does according to his feeling is always wrong, found to be wrong.
He wants to go out and play with the children and the mother says, “Do the homework.” If he trusts his own feeling he has to go out and play - but that is dangerous. The mother will be angry, and tomorrow in the school the teacher will be angry.and the punishment of it all. He cannot trust his own feeling so he forces himself to sit there and do the homework. When he wants to sing, he cannot sing. When he wants to play, he cannot play. and whatsoever he wants, everybody seems to be against it. There seems to be a conspiracy. by and by, he comes to know that “If I do my thing I am punished. If I don’t do my thing I am rewarded.” How can one trust oneself then? - dangerous. So first he loses trust in others, then he loses trust in himself.