Chapter 7: The Shine of Countless Suns
You have started your journey with the same seed as Daya. You have the same potential as she has. Your seed may not have fallen into the right soil, or found the right gardener; you may not have sown it in the right season or it may not have received the right amount of sunlight yet.. So it still remains a seed, but when it does sprout there will be the same shining of countless suns within you. When it sprouts, your heart too will be delighted. When “watching this ceaselessly” becomes your own vision, becomes your own experience, when this nectar showers on you, only then will you become aware of all the sorrows you have suffered so far in life: “This person hurt me. That person hurt me..”
Wherever you have gone, you have only received hurt. Your heart has never been delighted; you have received only thorns, even from those you have loved, and your heart has never been delighted. Sometimes wealth has hurt you, sometimes your position, sometimes relatives - your dear ones, your very own - sometimes strangers.. This one or that one, they have all hurt you. You walk around with wounds in your chest. That is why you don’t even look inside yourself - because inside you there is nothing but wounds. The awakened ones may tell you a million times to look inside yourself, but you won’t do it because you know that there is no light there: no moon, no stars, no brilliance of countless suns.. There is only a thick darkness there; the pus of your wounds and the weeping, running sores of your pain which you have accumulated through many, many lives.
As long as you think that you will receive happiness from others this same thing will happen again and again:
This person hurt me, that person hurt me,
But I have found no one
Who could soothe my aching heart.
As long as you think that another person can give you happiness you will receive only hurt. Happiness is your self-nature. If it were possible to obtain happiness from others you would have found it by now. For how many lives have you held out your begging bowl in front of others and begged? - and you have never even bothered to see that they were begging from you too. You were begging from them - beggars in front of beggars. You are begging your wife to give you happiness; she is begging you to give her happiness. This blindness goes very deep. If your wife had any happiness to give to you, would she have asked you for it? If you had happiness to give to her, would you have asked her for it? We only ask for those things that we don’t have. We give others what we have; we ask for what we don’t have.
If you open your eyes and look carefully, you will find that everyone in the world is asking for happiness, everyone in the world is begging for love. But people have neither love nor happiness: the mistake is happening in the very asking. And because you go on begging outside of yourself, you don’t even remember that what you are begging for is your very self-nature.
This revolution is called religion. On the day you remember: “I must stop begging; for once I must look inside myself, I must completely explore who I am. It is possible that what I have never found outside of myself may be within me..” It has to be within you. You would not have even looked for it if it were not already there, because we can only ask for something which is already present as an experience somewhere deep within us.