Chapter 12: You Are Responsible!
Three things to be remembered: one, you must be consciously frustrated about the life outside - consciously frustrated! We are all frustrated, but unconsciously, and whenever we are frustrated unconsciously we only change objects of desire. But one object changed for another will not help you to go in. You remain outside. You change one thing for another, then for another. Because you are frustrated by object A, you substitute your desire by object B. Then you are frustrated by object B, so you go on to C. You go on changing objects because you are only unconsciously frustrated. If you become conscious, then you will not change objects, you will change direction.
You can change. You can love one woman, then another, then another. You can love one man, then another, then another. This is unconscious frustration. So you think that A is not good and B might be, so you choose B. Then B is not good and - who knows? - C may be, so you choose C. This is unconscious frustration. If you become conscious, then it is not a question of A, B or C. It is a question of the very relationship, of the very expectation, of the very desire. This desire to get happiness through someone else is the root. You go on changing persons, but this direction is never changed.
When I say become consciously frustrated, I mean know well that persons are irrelevant. Unless you change your direction in the search for happiness nothing is going to happen. So there are two ways: either change A for object B, or change direction A for direction B. A is outward-going, B is inward-going - so change the direction. By changing the direction you begin to change yourself; by changing objects you remain the same.
You can go on changing objects for years and years, and lives and lives. You will remain the same - and with every object, since you are the same, the same is going to be the result, the same suffering is going to follow. When I say be consciously frustrated, I mean don’t be frustrated by others - be frustrated by yourself, be frustrated about yourself. Then only does the direction change.
We are all frustrated by everyone else. The husband is frustrated by the wife, and the wife is frustrated by the husband, the son is frustrated by the father, and the father is frustrated by the son. Everyone is frustrated by others. This is the outgoing mind. Be frustrated with yourself and then the direction changes, you begin to be ingoing. And unless you are frustrated with yourself there is no possibility for transformation.
A buddha is not really frustrated by the world. If he is frustrated by the world he must try to change it for another world, he must try to find another world. He is really frustrated with himself, so he begins to change himself: the object of frustration becomes the object of transformation.
So the inward journey begins, the search for inner life begins, only when you begin to feel that outside is nothing but darkness. Unless you turn your eyes inwards light is not to be found. So the first thing: be consciously frustrated. But this much is not enough. It is necessary, but not enough, because you can be frustrated with yourself and can go on living in frustration. Then you will be just a living corpse. You will be just dead - a burden to yourself. This is necessary, but not enough.