Chapter 46: The Tantric Way to Freedom from Desires
On the pillow, write the name of your enemy or your friend - and remember, we are more angry at our friends than at our enemies. Just put a picture of your wife or husband on a pillow, and bring your violence out. Beat the pillow, kill the pillow, and do whatsoever you feel. And don’t feel that you are doing a stupid thing. This is what you want to do with the real object, and that will be more stupid. Don’t think that this is silly. This is how you are: you are silly, and you cannot change by just repressing it. Look at this silliness: see that this is how you are. Allow yourself full expression; act it out. And if you can be real, you will realize for the first time what anger, what violence is hidden within you. You are a volcano, and this can erupt from you at any moment.
In any situation, the volcano may erupt. It is erupting every day. Someone kills someone, and just a day before he was as normal as you. No one ever suspected that he was going to be a murderer. No one suspects about you, and you have so many thoughts in your mind to murder. You have thought, you have planned it many times. The idea to murder someone else or yourself has come to you. It has happened to you if you are not absolutely idiotic. Psychologists say that an intelligent man is bound to think of suicide at least ten times in his life - at least ten times! - and ten thousand times you think to murder someone. You never do it, that is another thing. But you can do it; the possibility is always there.
Make your anger a total act in meditation, and then see what happens. You will feel it coming from your whole body. If you allow it, then every cell of your body will be in it. Every pore, every fiber of the body will become violent. Your whole body will be in a mad situation. It will go mad, but allow it, and don’t withhold. Move with the river, and after the cyclone is over, you will feel for the first time a deep center within you. A subtle calmness will happen. When the anger has gone, there will be no repentance because you have not done it to anyone. There will be no guilt. You will be unburdened. When this anger is thrown out and silence comes, that silence is real - not forced.
You can sit down like a buddha in padmasana, in a yogic posture. You can force yourself, but the monkey within you goes on jumping. Now only the body is static. The mind is more mad than it ever was before. Whenever you sit for meditation, you feel what is happening. You are never so noisy within when you are not meditating, so why does so much noise happen whenever you meditate? Why does the mind go so vagrant? Why do so many thoughts come in a cloud? It is because your body is static, and through this staticness of your body you can feel the monkeyness of the mind more. The contrast is there.
But forced silence is of no use. Either you will not succeed in it or if you will succeed you will move into sleep. A forced silence, if successful, becomes sleep. It is good as far as sleep is concerned; otherwise it is useless. A real silence always happens only when some pent-up energy is released totally. The disturbance was because of that pent-up energy. That forced energy was trying to erupt, that was the problem, that was the disturbance within. When it is released, you are unburdened.