Chapter 54: The Fire of Awareness
Then the traffic noise doesn’t appear to be noise, it doesn’t look like a disturbance, because there is no one to resist it and fight it. It simply comes to you and passes; it is heard and heard no more. It comes and passes. There is no barrier against which it can strike. It cannot make a wound in you, because all wounds are made in the ego. It will pass. There will be no barrier to it on which it can strike; there will be no fight, no disturbance.
Remember this: the noise on the street is not the disturbance. When the noise of the street struggles against you, when you have a fixed notion that it is a disturbance, it becomes disturbance. When you accept it, it comes and passes. And you are simply bathed by it; you come out of it more fresh. And nothing tires you then. The only tiring thing, that which goes on dissipating your energy, is this resistance which we call the ego.
But we never look at it in this way. The ego has become our life, the very gist of it. Really, there is no ego. If I say to someone.. Many times it happens. If I say to someone to dissolve this ego, immediately he stares at me as if with the question, the nude question, that “If ego is dissolved, then where is life? Then I am no more.”
I have heard that one very great politician, a big leader of a country, was asked, “You must be getting tired. The whole day, wherever you move, there is a crowd of autograph seekers.”
That politician, that leader said, “It almost kills me - but this is only half of the truth.” He must have been a very rare, honest man. He said, “It almost kills me - but almost. If there was no one seeking my autograph, it would kill me completely. This continuous crowd almost kills me, but the other thing would be more dangerous. It would kill me completely if there was no one to ask for my autograph.”
So howsoever tiring the ego, howsoever wearing, you still feel it is life, and if the ego is not there, you feel life will disappear from your mind. You cannot conceive how life can exist without you, without there always being a reference point of I. It is logical in a way, because we have never lived without it. We have lived through it, we have lived around it; we know only one type of life, which is based on ego. We don’t know any other life.
And because we have lived through it, we have not been really able to live. We are simply struggling to live, and the life never happens to us, it just by-passes us. It is always just in the reach, in the hope - just tomorrow, the next moment, and we will be living. But it never comes, it is never achieved. It always remains a hope and a dream - but we go on moving. And because it is not coming, we move fast. That too is logical: if life is not happening to us, the mind can think only one thing - that we are not moving fast enough. So make hurry, be in a speed.
Once it happened that one of the great scientists, T.H. Huxley, was going to deliver a talk somewhere in London. He came to the station, to the suburban station, but the train was late, so he jumped into a cab and told the driver, “Hurry! Go at top speed!”