Chapter 6: Taming the Bull
Later Titov was with the patriarch of the Russian Orthodox Church. The patriarch asked him whether he saw anyone in space. Titov, faithful to his instructions, replied, “No, there was no one.”
“I know that already,” replied the church leader, “but you know our policy, so please don’t tell anybody.”
Underneath your beliefs, whatsoever the belief, doubt continues. Doubt is at the center, and belief is on the periphery. So your life is basically determined by your doubt, not by your belief. You may be a communist, and still somewhere deep down the doubt continues. You may be a Catholic, a Christian, a theist, but deep down the doubt continues.
I have looked into so many people belonging to different beliefs, sects, but deep down - the same doubt. And the doubt is neither Hindu nor Christian nor Mohammedan. And the doubt is neither communist nor anti-Communist. Doubt is pure - simply doubt. For this pure doubt you will need pure trust.
This pure doubt which has no adjective to it - Hindu, Christian, Mohammedan - cannot be destroyed by Hindu, Christian, Mohammedan concepts, beliefs, theories, philosophies. What to do about this doubt?
A real seeker is not searching for any belief to console himself. Rather, he is trying to find a deeper center in himself which goes beyond doubt. This has to be understood. You have to go deep in your own being to such a point of aliveness where doubt is left behind on the periphery. Rather than doing that, people go on clinging to beliefs on the periphery, and doubt remains deep down. Just the reverse has to be the case.
Go deeper into your being. Don’t be worried about the doubt, bypass it. Let it be there! Don’t try to hide yourself in a belief. Don’t be an ostrich. Face the doubt - and go beyond it. Go deeper than the doubt. Then comes a moment in your being.because at the deepest core, at the very center, only life is. Once you have touched that deep core within yourself, the doubt is just a faraway peripheral thing. It can be dropped very easily.
And there is no need to cling to any belief in order to drop it. You simply see the stupidity of it. You simply see the ridiculousness of it. You simply see how the doubt has been destructive to your whole life, how the doubt is continuously eroding your being, how it has been poisonous. Just seeing the fact that doubt has been poisonous, and it has not allowed you to celebrate, a great opportunity is being missed. You simply drop it. It is not that instead of the doubt you cling to a belief.
A real man of trust has no belief - he simply trusts, because he has come to know how beautiful life is. And he has come to know how eternal, timeless, life is. He has come to know that just within himself is the kingdom of God. He becomes a king - and not a king in the ordinary sense of the word, because that kingdom which comes from without is a false kingdom, a dream kingdom.