Chapter 2: When Doubt Is Not, Trust Is
Just a few days ago a new book had come, and the first copy I always give to Vivek. I wrote “With love to Vivek.” She told me, “Why not much love?” I said, “That is impossible. I cannot write that” - because to me, more or less is not possible. I can simply write “love”; ‘much love” is absurd. Quantity is not a question, but simple quality. When you say “much,” you must be hiding something behind that “much”; something of hatred, something of anger, something of jealousy, but something which is not love. To hide that, you have to show your over-enthusiasm, what you call “gung ho”: much love, strong trust, staunch belief. Whenever you are too much of a Christian, you are not a Christian at all. If you are too much of a Hindu, you have not understood at all.
Just the other night a young girl was saying to me that she was afraid. She wants to take sannyas but she is afraid, “Because it will be putting Christ as number two; you will become the first.” She was very puzzled. “It will be putting Christ behind you,” she told me. I told her, “Just look into my eyes. If you really love Christ then you will find Christ in me. You will not find two persons. But if you are a Christian, then it is difficult. Then forget all about sannyas.” One who loves Christ can love me - there is no conflict; one who loves Krishna can love me, there is no conflict. But if one is a Hindu, one is a Mohammedan, one is a Christian, then it is difficult. A Christian is not a lover of Christ. To be a Christian is a decision on your part; doubt has not disappeared, doubt has been repressed.
Don’t repress doubt. Rather, just on the contrary, watch, look deeply into it, analyze it. Don’t leave any part of it unanalyzed, unknown. Become acquainted with all the layers of the doubting mind. That very acquaintance, that penetration into doubt, will dissolve doubt. One day suddenly you will awake one morning full of trust - not as your decision. It cannot be a decision because trust is something you are born with, doubt is a learned thing. Trust is tacit, inborn.
Every child trusts. As he grows, doubt arises. Doubt is learned. So trust is there always as an undercurrent in your being. You just drop doubt, trust will arise. And then trust has a tremendous beauty because it is pure. It is not against doubt, it is simply absence of doubt. The rock has been removed and the stream has come bubbling up, flowing.
So please, don’t try to make a decision about it. Your decision will be a delay; and the more you decide, the more you will find, deep inside, the worm of doubt increasing. Then you will be divided in two and you will never be at ease, and there will be continuous agony.
So many people believe in God, and deep down is doubt - throbbing, alive, waiting for its opportunity to destroy the trust. And the trust is bogus because the trust is on the periphery, and the doubt has reached almost to the very core of your being. Never decide about love, about trust, about God. These things are not your decisions. They are not arguments, they are not conclusions.
When doubt is no more there, trust is. It happens. It flows. It arises out of your innermost core, from the innermost shrine. You start listening to a new music of being, a new style of being, a new way of being. It is not of the mind, it is of the being.
The second question: