Chapter 2: Empty Eyes
Think of a person who has no trust: he will not have any doubt either, because he has nothing to doubt about. Just think of a person who has no trust at all - how can he doubt, what has he to doubt? Only a man of trust has something to doubt. Because you trust, hence you doubt. Your doubt proves your trust, not otherwise. Think of a man who cannot doubt - how can he trust? If he is even incapable of doubt, how can he be capable of trust? Trust is the highest form of the same energy; doubt is the lowest rung of the same ladder and trust is the highest rung of the same ladder. Use doubt, use it joyfully.
There is no need to feel guilty at all. It is perfectly human and natural to feel great doubts about me sometimes and great doubts about what is going on here. It is perfectly human - there is nothing extraordinary in it. If it doesn’t happen, then something seems to be abnormal. But remember that one has to reach to trust: use doubt, but don’t forget the goal, don’t forget the highest rung of the ladder. Even if you are standing on the lowest, look at the highest - you have to reach there. In fact, doubt is pushing you towards that because nobody can feel at ease with doubt.
Have you not watched it? When there is doubt there is uneasiness. Don’t change that uneasiness, don’t interpret that uneasiness as guilt. Yes, uneasiness is there, because doubt means you are uncertain of the ground you are standing on. Doubt means you are ambiguous, doubt means you are not yet a unity - how can you be at ease? You are a crowd: you are not one person, you are many persons - how can you be at ease? There must be great noise inside you, one part pulling you in this direction and another part in that direction. How can you grow if you are pulled in so many directions simultaneously? There is bound to be unease, tension, anguish, anxiety.
Nobody can live with doubt and in doubt. Doubt pushes you towards trust. Doubt says, “Go and find a place where you can relax, where you can be, totally.” Doubt is your friend. It simply says, “This is not the home. Go ahead - search, seek, inquire.” It creates the urge to inquire, to explore.
Once you start seeing doubt as a friend, as an occasion, not against trust but pushing you towards it, suddenly guilt disappears, there is great joy. Even when you doubt, you doubt joyously, you doubt consciously, and you use doubt to find trust. It is absolutely normal.
You say, “I do not know if You are enlightened.” How can you know it? There is no way to know it unless you become enlightened. How can you know what has happened to me unless it happens to you too? It is absolutely right to feel that you cannot trust me sometimes. The miracle is that sometimes you can trust: just those few moments will be enough. Don’t be worried: trust has such infinite power. Trust is just like light and doubt is like darkness. Just a small candle of trust is enough to destroy the darkness of ages.
The darkness cannot say, “I have lived in this place for so long, I cannot leave so easily. And I cannot leave only because of this small candle.” Even a small candle has more potential than the darkness of ages, of centuries, of thousands of lives. But it will have to go.once the light is there it has to go.