Chapter 8: Your Mind Means the Past
Just fifteen minutes before the sun rises, when the sky is becoming a little lighter, just wait and watch as one waits for a beloved: so tense, so deeply awaiting, so hopeful and excited, and yet silent. And just let the sun rise and go on watching. No need to stare; you can blink your eyes. Have the feeling that simultaneously inside, something is also rising.
When the sun comes on the horizon, start feeling that it is just near the navel. It comes up over there, and here, inside the navel, it comes up, comes up, comes up, slowly. The sun is rising there, and here an inner point of light is rising. Just ten minutes will do. Then close your eyes. When you first see the sun with open eyes it creates a negative, so when you close your eyes, you can see the sun dazzling inside. And this is going to change you tremendously.
I don’t know if I’m ready for sannyas. Doubts are still there, ever present.
They are always there. One has to take the step in spite of them. If you wait for doubts to go, and then think you will take the step, then you will never take it, because they never go.
In fact just the contrary happens: when you take the step, then they go. And doubts are human; they should be there. How can it be so easy to have trust? But one takes courage and moves. That’s how the whole life has to move. When you fall in love with a woman, are you totally in love? Isn’t there a doubt? In spite of that you move, because if you wait for all doubts to clear then you will have to wait for eternity and love will become impossible.
And this is a kind of love. So take the jump in spite(. (He does take sannyas and then asks another question.)
Which meditation should I do? I like the Nataraj meditation best, the dancing. That’s the only one I feel comfortable with. With the others, I feel I have too many expectations to begin with.
Sometimes it happens that the meditation you feel most uncomfortable with maybe is the one that is going to help. The discomfort may be because it fights against certain of your habits and deep-rooted things. This is my observation: that the meditation you like is not always the best, and the one you dislike most is not necessarily the worst, because you like something that fits with your mind.
Your mind means the past, and you are trying to change that mind. So you are almost creating a situation where change will be impossible. In fact something that will create a certain conflict inside you, a discomfort, a struggle, friction, is going to help. So don’t bother whether you like it or not. Continue Kundalini and Dynamic meditation here, and do the humming at home, and whatsoever groups are available.