Chapter 30: Rebellion: Hallmark of the New Man
He looked in the mirror - that whole year he had been so engaged he hadn’t even looked in the mirror. There had been so much to do, and so much money; he had been perhaps the busiest person in the whole world. When he looked in the mirror he could not believe that it was he, because he had grown at least ten years older in just one year. Money does that too.
He had wasted himself. He looked sick, but he had never been sick. He was a healthy man, but now with alcohol and prostitutes and gambling - with all that together - he looked as if he was just going to die within a few days. He said, “My God, what have I done?”
He went to the well and jumped in to try to find his keys, because again the shop had to be opened, tomorrow morning. The next morning he opened the shop. People were puzzled; they said, “For one year you were not even seen here.”
He said, “Seen here?.Paris, London, New York - I don’t know where I have been, what I have been doing, but that year was one hell of a year. I have never suffered so much before. Now I am not going to purchase another lottery ticket.”
But when the first day of the month came, just out of old habit he said, “Who is going to win that lottery again? Such things happen only once in a great while.” He purchased the ticket, hoping that he would not win, because he didn’t want to win, but old habit..
Just try to see how the human mind functions. You don’t want to do it, and still you go on doing it. You have been taking oaths, “I am not going to do it again.” And you know, even when you are taking the oath, that you have been taking such oaths your whole life, and breaking them. And you know that this time too you will break it when the time comes.
A drunkard says, “In the name of God - I touch The Bible - I say ‘I will never drink again.’” But he knows even then that he has done this before. And tomorrow when the time comes then he will forget everything - all oaths, all God, all Jesus, all The Bible - and he will say, “Such things people go on doing, and what harm have all those oaths that I have taken and broken done to me? One more will not make much difference.” He drinks, and while he is drinking he is thinking that it is not good. It is bad, it is meaningless, he is simply destroying himself. He does not enjoy it either.
You have to understand man’s duality. He does not enjoy something, he does not want to do it, but still he goes on doing it just like a robot.
And the miracle of miracles was that in the first month when the shoemaker purchased the ticket he won the lottery again! And when that limousine came, he said, “My God, don’t do it to me again!” But why are you saying this to God? You need not do it again. But he knows that is not possible. He won the lottery, and when the suitcases came again, he did the same that he had done before, saying, “What am I doing? This is not right.”