Chapter 14: The Motionless Flame of a Lamp
That’s why no woman worth the name will be aggressive in love. She will not initiate any love affair. She will not say, “I love you.” She will just wait for you to say that you love her. And if a woman says in the beginning that she loves you and you have not initiated it, escape from her; that woman is dangerous, you will suffer for it. That woman is not really feminine; she is aggressive, unwomanly. She will wait. She will seduce you, but her ways of seduction will be passive, indirect. She will not hit you directly on the head, she will not say anything. So in the end no man can say, “You persuaded me into this love affair.” No man can say that. The woman will always say, “You dragged me into this affair, you initiated me, so you are responsible,” because she can wait, she can be patient, she can be only receptive. And that is natural.
The first steps are male, the last steps are female. Then there are a few things implied. The first three steps will be difficult for women, they will have to make more effort for them. The first three steps will be easy for men. The last steps will be easy for women and they will be difficult for men. This will be the difference in sadhana. The first three steps will come easily to a man. There is no problem because they suit his nature, he can be aggressive easily. The first three steps will be difficult for a woman; she will have to exert force, she will get tired easily. But if she can wait for the fourth then the whole wheel turns. The last steps will be very easy for a woman - she can wait, she can be receptive. Negative effort just suits her nature.
Nobody is at any advantage and nobody is at any disadvantage. The whole - half is male, half is female. So remember this: if you are a woman the first three steps are going to be a little difficult. Knowing it well, make all efforts. If you are a man then remember that after the third difficulty will arise for you, because it is difficult for a man to be in a let-go. He can do something, that’s easy. But to not do anything, to just remain waiting, is difficult. But if the first three steps have been done well that difficulty will not be so difficult, it will dissolve by and by.
Now the sutra. Before we enter it one thing more: that after the third the fourth will follow, you are not to drag it. After the fourth the fifth will follow, after the fifth the sixth will follow, after the sixth the seventh will follow. They will come automatically. Once your life energy starts moving things will happen automatically.
That’s why it is said that samadhi, the last, the seventh step, happens by the grace of God. That’s true in a way, because you will not be making any effort for it. Suddenly one day you will feel yourself filled with grace - suddenly, not knowing any visible cause. So sometimes samadhi has happened in such moments that one was not even aware, one could not even imagine that samadhi would happen in such a state.
One Zen nun, an old woman, was coming one night from the well carrying two pails of water on her shoulder on a bamboo pole. The full moon was in the sky. As she was walking towards her hut, towards the monastery, suddenly the bamboo broke. The two earthen pots fell down on the ground, were broken, shattered to pieces, the water flowed out - and the woman became enlightened. She started to sing and dance.
In the morning the people of the monastery found her still dancing, singing. She was transformed, metamorphosed - a completely different being. They asked, “What happened?”