Chapter 3: Let Yourself Be a Mystery
Ananda said, “I am smiling because his prediction proved right. It was the impurity of my love that was the hindrance. And now he is gone, there is no question of feeling like his elder brother, of feeling any attachment. In his funeral pyre, as his body disappeared into the smoke, all my attachments also disappeared.”
It is not necessary that I have to be on a funeral pyre before you can become enlightened. I can be if you need it. One day I will be, but it will be far more beautiful if the day I am on the funeral pyre, you are without tears. As I disappear from the body you know I have become more involved deeply within you, within the whole existence.
Help! I am falling to pieces! Is it just my monthly premenstrual emotional turmoil? This time it feels more like an emotional deep cleaning. All these tears and pains seem to remove something old to make space for something new, even though I have no idea what it is. I feel excited and scared at the same time, and I don’t know what to hold on to anymore.
Osho, what is happening?
A purification is happening. It has nothing to do with your monthly period. It may be coincidence that both are happening together, but because you have been capable of dropping your miserable relationship, which very few people are capable.Look at Latifa - old great Om is back! It took me so much trouble to separate them.because both were miserable, but misery is something at least to hold on to. Both must have been feeling very alone without misery.
Misery functions almost like a magnet. People complain about it, but not really to get rid of it; they complain about it just to brag about it. They are really saying, in fact without saying, “Don’t think I am alone; I am miserable!” And because misery hurts, they are in a dilemma: if they leave the misery, that means leaving the miserable relationship. Then they feel very lonely, and then they are reminded of the Western proverb - and nothing is more miserable - “Something is better than nothing.” At least there was something to talk about, to question, to figure out - and now you are just sitting in your room doing nothing.
Ginsberg returned home from a trip abroad on business to find out that his wife had been unfaithful. Very upset, he interrogated his wife, “Was it that dung heap Goldsberg?”
“Was it that pile of filth, Levensky?”
“Was it that swine, Morrie Levy?”
Finally Ginsberg exploded, “What’s the matter with my friends? Not good enough for you?”