Chapter 13: Session 13
Of course nobody can hear it. It is not of the physical, otherwise Devaraj and Devageet would have detected it with their instruments. They cannot detect it. It is transcendental to all instrumentality. Look what a beautiful word I have created: instrumentality. Write it exactly that way, instru-mental-ity. Then you can understand what I am saying - at least the words, and perhaps one day the wordless too. That’s my hope, my dream for you all.
You will be worried, because today I am really taking too long to begin. You know me, I know you.
I will go as slowly as possible. That will help to empty you. That’s my whole business, emptying: you can call it “Emptying Unlimited.”
The other day I was telling you that my grandfather’s death was my first encounter with death. Yes, an encounter and something more, not just an encounter; otherwise I would have missed the real meaning of it. I saw the death, and something more that was not dying, that was floating above it, escaping from the body.the elements. That encounter determined my whole course of life. It gave me a direction, or rather a dimension, that was not known to me before.
I had heard of other people’s deaths, but only heard. I had not seen, and even if I had seen, they did not mean anything to me. Unless you love someone and he then dies, you cannot really encounter death. Let that be underlined:
Death can only be
encountered in the death of the loved one.
When love plus death surrounds you, there is a transformation, an immense mutation.as if a new being is born. You are never the same again. But people do not love, and because they do not love, they can’t experience death the way I experienced it. Without love, death does not give you the keys to existence. With love, it hands over to you the keys to all that is.
My first experience of death was not a simple encounter. It was complex in many ways. The man I had loved was dying. I had known him as my father. He had raised me with absolute freedom, no inhibitions, no suppressions, and no commandments. He never said to me, “Don’t do this,” or “Do that.” Only now can I realize the beauty of the man. It is very difficult for an old man not to say to a child “Don’t do that, do this,” or “Just sit there, don’t do anything,” or “Do something; why are you just sitting there doing nothing?” But he never did. I don’t remember a single instance where he even tried to interfere with my being. He simply withdrew. If he thought what I was doing was wrong, he withdrew and closed his eyes.
I once asked him, “Nana, why do you close your eyes sometimes when I am just sitting by your side?”
He said, “You will not understand today, but perhaps someday. I close my eyes so that I don’t prevent you from doing whatsoever you are doing, whether it is right or wrong. It is not my business to prevent you. I have taken you away from your mother and father. If I cannot even give you freedom, then what was the point in taking you away from your parents? I only took you so that they would not interfere with you. How can I interfere?