Chapter 5: See Right at Once
You can repeat your own name again and again and you don’t need to pay the fees to anybody and you don’t need any initiation. Just repeat your own name; repeat it fast so that nothing else enters your mind, only your name resounds. Repeat loudly inside so that from your toes to the head it is resounding inside. Soon you will get bored, fed up. And that is the moment when you start falling asleep because there seems to be no other escape.
All mothers know it. It is one of the ancientmost methods women have been using with their children, on their children. They didn’t call it Transcendental Meditation; they used to call it “lullaby.” The child tosses and turns, but the mother goes on repeating the same line again and again. And finding no other escape outside, the child escapes inside; that means he falls asleep. He says, “I am so fed up that unless I fall asleep, this woman is not going to stop.” And soon he learns: the moment he falls asleep the woman stops, so it becomes a conditioning; then it becomes a conditioned reflex. Slowly slowly, the woman just repeats the line one or two times and the child is fast asleep.
This you can do to yourself. It is a process of auto-hypnosis; good as far as sleep is concerned but it has nothing to do with meditation. In fact, it is just the opposite of meditation, because meditation brings awareness and this method brings sleep. Hence I appreciate it as a technique for sleep, but I am totally against it if it is taught to people as a method of meditation.
Soshin expected, lessons in Zen from his teacher the way a schoolboy is taught at school. This is your story. This is everybody’s story. Each seeker comes with such expectations.
Sometimes foolish people come to me and they ask: “What is your teaching in short? Which of your books contains your total teaching?”
I have no teaching! That’s why so many books are possible. Otherwise how can so many books be possible? If you have a certain teaching, then one or two books will do. That’s why I can go on talking for ever, because I have no teaching. Every teaching will sooner or later be exhausted; I cannot be exhausted. There is no beginning and no end.we are always in the middle. I am not a teacher.
Everybody grows physically but psychologically remains a child. Your psychological age is never more than thirteen, even less than that. It was a shock when it was discovered for the first time in the First World War that man’s average psychological age is only twelve or thirteen at the most. That means you may be seventy but your mind is only thirteen. So if somebody looks at your body you look so old, so experienced, but if somebody looks into your mind you are carrying the same childish mind still.
Your God is nothing but a projected father; it is a father fixation. You cannot live without the idea of a father. Maybe your actual father is dead and you cannot conceive of yourself without a father. You need an imaginary father in heaven who takes care of you, who looks after you. And, certainly, the ordinary father is bound to die one day or other so you need a heavenly father who is eternal, who will never die, so he will become your safety and security.