Chapter 40: My Disciples Are My Garden
As far as you are concerned it is certainly a beginning, but it is also an ending; it is a death and a resurrection. One chapter is closed, another has opened. One life that you have been living is now just a memory and another life is opening its doors - which you have dreamed about in thousands of ways, in thousands of lives, and for the first time the dream is becoming real. It is a beginning. And remember it; it is always a beginning.
Changes will be coming, old chapters will be disappearing, new doors will be opening - and a moment comes when your sensitivity is such that each moment you die and each moment you are born. You die to the past and you are born for the future.
But it is tremendously beautiful on your part to feel that you don’t deserve it. That is felt only by people who deserve it. That’s what I meant when I said that, in the spiritual life, laws are diametrically opposite to what they are in the ordinary mundane world. Here you have to try to be somebody, because you go on feeling that you are nobody; you feel so empty, so meaningless, so faceless, that you are begging everybody - “Give me a face, a name, an identity.” And people give it to you but those faces are just masks, those identities are just false. They make you hypocrites. They make you believe what you are not. And you have wasted many of your lives in believing in things which you are not and you have never been.
In such a moment of transformation as Govind Siddharth has passed through, one for the first time drops all the masks, all the old identities. One accepts oneself as nameless, as a nobody. And this is the tremendous miracle: that the moment you accept yourself as nobody, for the first time you have become somebody. For the first time you have attained to your original face.
And if people see it happening.it is good for people, because it will become a remembrance to them. Something that they had forgotten, your presence may make them remember. And you cannot take away their right to thank you. That’s what “respect” means.
The word respect is beautiful. It does not mean honor; that is the dictionary meaning. Existentially it means re-spect, a desire to see again. Somebody looks at you, remembers something, wants to remember more, wants to look at you deeper, wants to be closer to you, wants to look into your eyes, wants to hold your hands. It has nothing to do with honor, it is simply an effort to remember his own forgotten treasure.
The discourse of Govind Siddharth’s declaration was so beautiful for me. I strangely believed in everything, feeling very happy about Govind’s insight and felt a push for me to go more inside. Was that your intention?