Chapter 10: You Can’t Win ’em All
The second question:
Today after lecture, as I was kneeling before your platform, sexual fantasies concerning you filled my head. On the one hand, my body was filled with energy and it felt good; on the other hand I began to feel guilty, that it was wrong to have such thoughts about you and I shouldn’t allow them to continue.
Then my stomach began cramping and I had to run to the bathroom with diarrhea.
What is happening? And is it okay to have such fantasies?
Sex is as sacred as samadhi. The lowest and the highest are part of one continuum. The lowest rung is as much part of the ladder as the highest rung; they are nowhere divided. And if you deny the lower, you will never be able to reach to the higher.
Sex is nothing to feel guilty about! It is your life. It is where you are - how can you avoid it? If you avoid it, you will be pseudo, inauthentic, untrue. If you avoid it, if you repress it, you will not be able to move upwards because the energy will be repressed through it.
Right now, it is at the stage of sexuality that you are. When you listen to me, when you start feeling me, naturally your energy is stirred. And it can only be stirred where it is. Listening to me, feeling me, being in love with me, your samadhi cannot bloom right now. But if your sexuality starts moving, that’s a good sign. That shows you have been contacted, that something has stirred in you, that something has become a movement in you, that you are no more a stagnant pool, that you have started flowing towards the ocean.
Certainly, the ocean is far away. It will come in the very end. But if you stop this small muddy pool from flowing, you will never reach to the ocean. I know the mud of it, but it has to be accepted. You have to start flowing! Don’t be worried about sexual fantasies; they are just natural.
The serpent and the savior are not two - they are one. In fact, there is an ancient tradition that says that when God created Adam and Eve and told them that they should not go to the Tree of Knowledge, and they should not eat the fruit of it - then He became the serpent! coiled around the tree, and seduced Eve to eat the fruit of the tree. God Him-self became the serpent!
I love this story. Christians will be very much shocked. But only God can do such a thing - nobody else. From where can the serpent come? And without God’s help, how can the serpent convince Eve? In fact, the whole thing was decided beforehand: God wanted man to go astray, because only by going astray does one become mature. God wanted man to commit sin, because only through sin does one one day arrive at sainthood. There is no other way.