Chapter 8: Significance Is Inner Nourishment
Just your love is not enough. In fact, the more you try, the more the other will go far away, because the other will become more and more afraid of you. You are dangerous! Even before love has happened you are not allowing freedom. What will you do when the love has happened? You will suffocate the woman or the man. You will surround the woman in such a way that it will become a prison. Even right now the woman has not responded, but you are waiting. And you are thinking and hoping that because you love, she has to love you. Why? There is no must in it, there is no inevitability in it. Just the reverse will be the case. The more you chase her, the more you will make her afraid of you and the more she will escape from you. You are dangerous. And the paradox is, the more she will be going away from you the more you will fantasize about her.
A real woman very soon loses all charm. So is the case with a real man, because with reality the fiction cannot be continued for long. All relationships settle down by and by - the honeymoon is only short. If you really get the woman, within seven days, fifteen days, three weeks, things will start settling; the fiction, the poetry, the fantasy will start disappearing. The real woman and the real man will come back to earth. You cannot go on moving in the clouds for long. The other’s reality will pull you back to the gravitation.
So when love is responded to, it is finished soon. When love remains unrequited, it can continue for your whole life, because there is no way for it to be finished. You can go on playing in your imagination - games, fantasies, dreams..
And the person who has asked the question is an author, Musin. He must be imaginative, poetic. He must be able to create fictions. Now he cannot lose this woman because this woman is giving him great fictions. And she will go on giving you. The only condition is: she should not respond to your love, then the love can continue forever. In that way Majnu was fortunate because he could never get Laila. The really unfortunate people are those who can get their Lailas. Once you get your Laila or your Majnu, things are finished.
One man went to see the madhouse. In one room a man was beating his head, crying. Great tears were flowing down his cheeks and he was holding a small picture very lovingly on his chest.
The visitor asked the superintendent “What has happened to this man?”
And the superintendent said “You see the picture that he is holding? He holds it day and night. That is the woman he wanted, he had loved, but could not get. Hence, he went mad. He cries and sings songs to her, and goes on thinking of her. That is his whole life. The whole world has disappeared, only the woman.. He talks, he talks from his side and the woman’s side, and the dialogue continues.”
Then they went to another room, and another man was beating his head and throwing himself against the wall.
And the visitor asked “What has happened to this man?”
And the superintendent said “This is the man who got that woman. Since he got that woman he has gone mad.”
You can go on living in your dreams, and you will think that you are a great lover - how much you are sacrificing! But you are simply a masochist. This can be done only by a masochist who wants to torture himself. Now you have found a good excuse to torture yourself.
I cannot appreciate this. I have no appreciation for any pathology, whatsoever the excuse. This is pathological.