Chapter 9: Be Kind to Yourself, Stop All This Seeking
Have you seen animals making love? You must have seen them. Do you remember? - when they are making love they don’t look happy. They are not so foolish. They look as if they have been forced to make love. Their faces show a certain kind of despair: “What is this all about? Why am I being forced?” Look at two dogs making love - both in great trouble.
It is not different for man either. It is this fact that makes people want to love each other in darkness. It is good: you don’t see the face of your woman, what is happening to her; she is going into convulsions. The woman cannot see your face, because your face has turned into a monster. Next time you are making love, just see the truth of what I am saying. And you are not the one who is doing it - something is forcing you to do it. It is something surrounding you, but it is not you; it is your body, your biology.
I know about one spider - they also make love; in this world it seems everybody makes love - and while the male spider on top of the female spider is just coming to orgasm, is trembling, the female spider starts eating him. By the time his orgasm is finished, he is also finished. Great love! And they are doing the same thing you are doing.
That’s why married men and women cannot live together in peace - their love does not allow them to live in peace. Soon they become prisoners for each other, torturers for each other. It is because of this fact that I have not used the word love for this pathlessness.
But once you are at your center, that means you are no longer your biology, you are no longer your physiology, you are no longer your hormones. You are just pure awareness, a witness, a small light, a flame inside, of consciousness. Meditation seems to be a better word, because you are not acquainted with it. But you can call it love if you are alert enough not to get mixed up.
Out of meditation, there is a fragrance which is not chemical, which is not like passing through a hospital. That fragrance is love. It is not directed towards some particular address, it is not directed to some person. Do you think when a flower opens up and sends its fragrance to the winds, that fragrance is directed to some person? No, it is just overflowing. Anybody passing by can enjoy it. I say, anybody passing by can be overwhelmed by it. True love is just like that.
Whenever I use the word love, this is my meaning: it is a fragrance of the flower of meditation, unaddressed. It is not a relationship. Yes, it may relate if somebody happens to be there. If nobody happens to be there, there is no despair; the flower is enjoying its overflowing energy, it is blessed. It has given its treasure to the whole existence.
Yes, it is relating in a way, but it is relating to the whole. It is not that it will keep its fragrance and wait for the person whom it loves. That’s what you have been doing, because you don’t know the authentic quality of love. You are making it a relationship.