Chapter 5: Understanding Emotions
Recently I went to a place where you can hear echoes. If you make a sound there the mountains repeat it. I have said that most people only echo: if you say anything they will repeat it. They don’t have anything of their own to say, they are like echo chambers. If you scream they scream back - it is not theirs, you have created it. And what you gave was not yours, someone else created it in you. You are all echo chambers: you don’t have any sound of your own, any life of your own. You don’t have any feeling of your own. All your emotions are impure because they belong to others, they are borrowed.
So remember this first key: emotion should be your own. It should not be a reaction, it should be the state of your being.
I have divided this state of being into four parts. The first is friendliness. Friendliness is a quality that has to be developed. Friendliness has to be developed because there is a source of friendliness within you, but life gives very few opportunities for it to develop. It remains undeveloped, it remains like a seed in the soil of your being - it cannot grow.
The seed of enmity is very developed. Why? There are natural reasons for thisbecause it also is needed. It may be needed, but it is not meant to be a lifelong companion. There are times when it is needed and there is also a time when letting go of it is needed.
When a child is born his first experience is not an experience of love. What a child experiences when he is born is fear. This is natural. The small child was very comfortable in his mother’s womb where he had no problems, no worries about earning his living, eating - no worries. He was resting in a very blissful sleep. When he comes out of the mother’s womb the small child, weak in every way, his first experience is of fear. And if he gets a shock of fear he will not feel love towards the first person he sees, he will be afraid of that person. And if he is afraid of someone he will start to hate them.
Take this as a basic principle: fear never creates love. If someone says that there can be no love without fear, their statement is completely wrong. If there is fear, there is no possibility of love. There can never be love with fear. Even if love is shown superficially there is no love inside.
Most of the love that we see in this world is based on fear. And a love that is based on fear is false. That’s why on the surface there is love but hatred keeps slipping out from inside. You also hate the person you love. Love is on the surface and hatred is below because you are afraid of people. Remember this: a person who intimidates others is missing the opportunity to receive love. If the father is intimidating his son he will not be able to get his love. If a husband is intimidating his wife he will not be able to get her love. He will get a pretense of love but he won’t get love because love grows only in fearlessness, it doesn’t grow in fear.
As soon as a child is born he experiences fear - and that’s where the source of hatred is activated. The energy source of love is not activated. Most people die without this source ever becoming activated because life doesn’t give it a chance. You think you love someone: that is also not love, it is only lust. Even that is only lust, even that is not love. Love can grow only through meditation.