Chapter 10: The Secret of Totality
In the morning at five o’clock he opened his eyes. Rather, it would be good to say that the eyes opened, because there was no motivation. Just as the eyes dropped in the evening, in the morning they opened. Refreshed by the night, refreshed by relaxation, refreshed by a deep desirelessness, Buddha opened his eyes. The last star was disappearing in the sky, and it is said that just by seeing the last star disappear Buddha became awakened. He realized.
What happened?.because there was no effort; effort had ceased. There was not even desire. Now there was not even frustration - because frustration is part of desire and expectation. If expectations really cease, there is no frustration. He was not asking, he was not praying, he was not meditating, he was not doing at all. He was just there, empty. When the last star disappeared, something disappeared in him also. He became just space, he became just nothingness. This is surrender, with no feeling of surrender - because who is to surrender to whom? But this also happened as a culminating peak of long efforts.
This is what I mean to say: one has to begin with will. Begin with will. If you are the type who can reach to perfect will, you will just disappear from that peak. If you are not the type, then you will reach a perfection of frustration, and from that peak of frustration you will disappear. If the first is the case, will will be known as the path; if the second is the case, then surrender.
But begin with will. You cannot begin with surrender, because surrender cannot have any beginning. Action can have a beginning, but how can a happening have a beginning? You can begin with action; you cannot begin with happening - that is the difference. You can begin with something to do, but how can you begin with surrender?
So begin with will and put your whole being into it. Only then will you be able to know whether this path can work for you or not. If it can work, then it is okay. Then you reach to the most perfect ego, and when the ego is perfect the bubble bursts. Or, if you are not of that type, then you will go round and round and round and round.and frustration and frustration. Then you reach another peak, the peak of frustration, and surrender happens.
So even for surrender don’t think that you don’t have to do anything - remember this. Don’t think - otherwise mind is very cunning and the mind can say, “Surrender is our way, that means I am not going to do anything. Surrender is my way.” This is a cunning deception. If surrender is your way then surrender can happen this very moment, because surrender needs no time. There is no tomorrow necessary for it. If you say, “Surrender is my way,” then don’t wait for tomorrow, because surrender can come just here and now. No effort is needed in surrender, so no time is necessary.