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Chapter 8: The Real Magic

Yes, in India we have seen great enlightened people, but they are like silver lines around black clouds. Don’t believe that those silver lines are of much help; you cannot even read by their light. When there is lightning you cannot even read, you cannot write. Yes, for a moment you can see, and then all is darkness - even darker than it was before.

Whenever a master dies this country falls into a deeper valley of darkness. Yes, when a master is alive there is a little glory around him, a little splendor, a little light, but that too is available only to those who are courageous. And India is a country of cowards - otherwise how can you explain two thousand years of slavery?

Yes, once in a while, there are people who are intelligent and they invent new things; they need Nobel Prizes.

I have heard this story:

At the Vatican in Rome a gathering of missionaries from all over the world met to discuss their experiences in the Third World countries.

The priests working in India and in Africa were talking together.

“Well, Father, how are things going in India?” asked the African priest.

“Very well, thank you, Father,” he replied. “We have been working on ways to ease the food shortage and have found a new way to reduce the population.”

“How?” inquired the African priest. “Are you using new methods of birth control?”

“No, no. After much experimentation we have seen that that doesn’t work. So we have invented a very simple and effective technique: the ‘Crunch Scrunch Method.’”

“What is that?” asked the priest, intrigued.

“In the big centers like Bombay and Calcutta, our organization has begun to construct new hygienic male toilets - but with a unique design. When a patron squats down to shit, his balls hang down through two separate holes and we have one of our workers standing underneath with a brick in each hand - crunch! scrunch! - we smash their balls together!”

“Holy Mother of God!” exclaimed the other priest with a gasp. “That must hurt!”

“Oh no, not really,” said the Indian priest, “not if you keep your thumbs out of the way!”

Enough for today.