Chapter 10: Put Yourself Aside
One has to grow as a total unity. And if one has to grow as a total unity then everything has to be accepted, nothing can be denied. Of course, everything has to be used for a higher harmony. Sex is not to be left just as sex - that is vulgar. Sex has to be transformed for a higher harmony, and then it becomes love, and love becomes prayerfulness. It goes on and on; more and more refined forms of energy. And ultimately sex itself becomes the energy we call godliness.
Sex is the lowest denominator of the same energy we call godliness. It is the first step to the same temple. And if you deny the first step, you can never reach to the second - then you can never enter into the temple. Sex has to be accepted, used, and left behind; not renounced - left behind. And remember, the distinction is great: not renounced, not dropped - left behind. You go on growing, and by and by you go so far away that the first step is left behind and you are in the innermost shrine. But that first step helped you to reach there, and you are grateful.
But I neither totally truly accept the first step nor am free of it. I’m hung up on it.
I understand. I understand because still, deep down, the condemnation continues. You just have to understand.
For example, someone tells you for thirty years continuously that if you take the road on the left you will reach the station. And for thirty years you have believed that. Now you travel the road and you don’t reach the station. You meet someone who says that this road doesn’t go to the station at all; you have to go back to the crossroad and take the road that goes to the right.
What will you say? Will you say that for thirty years you have believed this was the right road to the station, and now you can’t leave it; that you are hung up? You yourself can see that the station is not there. You will simply say, “Yes, you are right. Someone has wrongly informed me.”
And this much understanding is needed. Someone wrongly conditioned you about sex and about other things. Now you have become more aware. The people who conditioned you may themselves have not been aware, they may have been immature, may have been conditioned by others. They may have been in the same misery as you; they simply transferred the misery to you.
Now please, don’t you, yourself transfer it to anybody. There is a temptation in the mind to unburden, to teach, to convince others, to argue.
If you need to, for three days close your room and sit silently facing the wall and look deep within, down into your conditioning. Just see it - that it has not lead you anywhere, that you are simply split, divided. So one decides. One sees that the path has been wrong; one simply drops it. And once you have dropped it, start moving in the opposite direction because, in fact, action is needed to uncondition you, to recondition you.