Chapter 18: The Alphabet of Rejoicing
It does not matter.I have not hit you because you were disrespectful. Remember it - because I have been condemned my whole life: from my very childhood I don’t know a day when I was not condemned for doing things not in the way people wanted. I have become so accustomed and at ease with condemnation, disrespect, notoriousness - everything - so that is not the question. Just Sarjano’s disrespect will not add anything; it will be just a dewdrop in an ocean, so that is not the problem. The problem is that it will disrupt your consciousness, your love, your peace that is growing, your meditativeness that is growing, and I cannot see that happening.
And this is to be understood by all, because today it is Sarjano’s case; tomorrow it can be your case. These hits are out of sheer love. If I don’t care about you, why should I bother? The whole night I could not sleep.because I have not used the sword for many years, but just to prepare it for Veena - and she is sitting just here, laughing. If she had laughed before, I could have slept at ease.
I don’t want to cut your heads, but if you insist I will have to do it - reluctantly, but there is no other way. If you only understand the language of the sword, then I will have to speak that language. I am not using it; I am using only words.
So be careful. Whenever you start getting angry at me, remember: it is your unconscious that is disrupting your love, it has nothing to do with me. When you start thinking something against me, remember it is your unconscious that is feeding the idea to you.
Otherwise, whatever you said is so beautiful, I would like to read it again so that everybody understands clearly. It is not only a question, it is a statement from the very deepest core of his heart.
“Osho, What do you see in my eyes now, after you hit my head so hard?”
I see your eyes. I see you - the same as you were before the hit, after the hit. But if you were not hit you would not have been so full of love, with tears of joy in your eyes.
“What do you see in my eyes now, after you hit my head so hard? Oh beloved master, the blessing of your sword has left only one wound, that even the silence blossomed out of this meditation has not healed: have i really been disrespectful.?”
No, you have not been disrespectful. But you don’t know: there are so many dark sides of you which you don’t identify with - they were disrespectful.
“.In my unawareness? For I will rather cut my tongue before saying anything against you.”
No, that won’t help. You can cut my tongue, your tongue; we both can sit in silence because we cannot speak - but I will go on doing what I am doing without the tongue, and you will go on once in a while being disrespectful, without the tongue. The tongue is not needed, just your face can show it, your eyes can show it. Just the smallest gesture can show it.