Chapter 12: Be Total
If you are capable of deciding what is to be done and what is not to be done, if you have to choose from your master’s guidance you will create a chaos. Because whenever a master guides you his guidance has an organic unity about it. Every instruction is related to another. It is a compact whole. You cannot discard something and follow something; you will become a ruin, a wreck. Even if a single thing is denied, then the whole has been disturbed. You don’t know how things are interrelated.
So this is my suggestion to you: Remain a unit, undivided. Decide. If you have to decide, then decide: “I will follow myself.” Then don’t surrender - there is no need.
This is what Krishnamurti has been saying continuously for forty, fifty years: “Don’t follow. People can reach without following anybody” - but the path is arduous and very long because you are not ready to accept any help or guidance which can be given to you - which is possible and which can cut many unnecessary difficulties on the path. This is what Krishnamurti has been saying - nobody has done it.
This is the problem of the mind. The mind can accept this - not because it has understood, but because it is very ego-fulfilling not to follow anybody. Nobody wants to follow anybody. Deep down the ego resists.
So around Krishnamurti all the egoists have gathered. They are again deceiving themselves. They think they are not following anybody because they have understood the fallacies of following, they have understood that the path has to be traveled alone, they have understood that no help is possible, nobody can help you, nobody can guide you; you have to travel alone. They think that they have understood this, that’s why they are not following anybody. That is not the real thing - they are deceiving. They are not following because their ego won’t allow it. And, still they go on listening to Krishnamurti. For years together they go, again and again.
If no help is possible, why do you go again and again to Krishnamurti? If nobody can guide you, what is the point of listening to him again and again? It is pointless. And even this attitude, that you have to travel the path alone, is not discovered by you - it has been revealed to you by Krishnamurti. Deep down he has become your master. But you go on saying that you don’t follow - this is a deception.
The same deception can happen from the reverse side. You come to me, you think you have surrendered, and still you go on choosing. If I say something that suits you - that means it suits your ego - you follow it. If I say something which doesn’t suit your ego, you start rationalizing: “This may not be for me.” So you feel that you have surrendered, and you have not surrendered.
People around Krishnamurti think they are not following anybody, and they are following. Around me you think you are following me and you are not following me. Mind is always a deceiver. Wherever you go it can deceive you, it will deceive you - so be alert.