Chapter 8: For the Sake of Harmony
“I am always giving in..” Then you are not in a let-go. If you give in; you are giving in against yourself. Never give in. There is no need. It is better to be defeated, it is better to be cursed than to give in. To “give in” means that you are reluctant but still you are doing it - for harmony’s sake. But harmony is missing from the very beginning. So if you give in to your wife she will never forgive you, if you give in to your husband he will never forgive you, because your whole being will vibrate with antagonism. You will say something in words, it will be on the lips, but your being will deny it, contradict it. And that is what is being broadcast continuously - from your eyes, from your face, from your gestures, from everything. Your words cannot hide it.
So nothing is attained by it. You give in, you lose your inner harmony, but no outer harmony is created out of it. Outer harmony comes only when there is an inner harmony. If you are angry then be angry, be totally angry. Risk all. Then you will be in harmony. And this will be difficult to understand but let me say it: if you are really angry with your wife she will be happy, more happy than when you give in, because you are authentic. Who does not love an authentic person? Now she can trust you - when you are angry you are angry, you are not false, you are not pseudo. And when you are loving you are loving, you are not false, you are not pseudo. Now you are reliable.
Otherwise even while you are making love she will feel you are not reliable. Perhaps you are thinking of making love to some other women, or at least thinking of some other woman. This woman may not be there at all in your mind. Making love to this woman you may think of other women and you will not be there, and it will be felt and it will hurt - because all the time the woman knows that you are false. When you are smiling you are not smiling, when you say, “I love you” you are not really saying it. You are always giving in for harmony’s sake. You are not true. But if you are not in harmony within yourself how can you be in harmony with your wife, with your friend, with your husband, with anybody? First be in harmony with yourself - that means allow whatsoever is to be the case.
This is the new revolution that is happening all over the world, the new psychology of man. Gone are those days of repression, gone are those repressed people. They never lived, they only pretended. They were empty gestures. There was no substance in their life.
This is your life, live it - and live it in all the climates, don’t try to fix a climate. Year round you can see that sometimes it is raining, sometimes it is hot, sometimes it is winter, sometimes the sun is there and sometimes it is very clouded. That’s why the earth is so beautiful. It is not monotonous, it is rich. A man’s life should be one of many climates, of many colors. A man’s life should be a rainbow, an orchestra. It should not be a single note. A man who has a single note in his life is a monotonous man, he is a poor man, a dull man. He will not enjoy his life - and he will not allow anybody else to enjoy their life either. Wherever he is he will be a dead weight, he will make people serious, somber, unloving, unliving. Don’t become that, that is to be a sinner - at least, in my definition. That’s what I call sin.
A virtuous man is a man of many climates. A virtuous man is a man of tremendous richness. He has a whole orchestra, all possible notes, in his being. And you can only love a man who has all notes possible, all the potentialities flowering. He’s always new, never old.